Dear Chloe,
Today you are 12 years old and you will be entering into 7th grade. You are an excellent student- you make our lives easy as far as academics go. You are responsible and conscientious and always make all A's. I'm so proud of you for working hard in school and excelling. Even with virtual education from March until the end of the year, you did great and was always on top of what you needed to do.
In your usual fashion, you are exploring some new activities this year. You decided you would like to swim again this summer, and you are competing on the brand new Lenoir City Betta Swim team. You are competing with a few familiar faces from the Tellico Village team, but also making new friends as well. You are swimming with the 11-12 year olds, which means 50 yard swims in every category, but you are doing great! You hate the butterfly stroke, but they like to see you compete in it and you have even won some ribbons!
You also decided you would like to give competitive gymnastics a try this year. You will be competing with the Tennessee Elite Gymnastics Excel Team in the Silver category. Although, Excel is a little less intense than a junior olympic track of competition, you are still practicing 6 hours a week in the gym. After just one year of classes in "real" gymnastics- with bars, beam, vault, floor, etc- they invited you to join the team. Sometimes you worry that you are not good enough or not making progress quickly enough, but you have mastered all of your silver level skills and are just refining and perfecting. I watch you get stronger and stronger every day and I am amazed by you!
You are also back in Horse Camp this year and want to continue riding lessons as soon as we can. So, you have been a very busy girl this summer- some days you have practiced swim from 7:00-9:00, gone straight to a full day of horse camp, and then practiced gymnastics from 4-7. I don't know how you do it! But, we feel fortunate that you are able to do these since we have been without any extracurricular activities since March. Everything is just starting to pick back up and of course it looks very different. But it is a relief after having to miss so much in the spring.
We are still in the middle of a global pandemic and although we are no longer quarantined to our houses except for necessities, we are limited to the number of people who can gather and required to wear masks in public in most places. This means everything looks different- swim meets, gymnastics practice, horse camp, shopping, birthday parties... everything. But, at least we are slowly getting back to being able to do the things we love and see some friends and family.
I won't lie- the pandemic is tough. Lots of time indoors. Not much time with friends. Way too much social media- but it's the only way to stay in touch with friends. You have founds some new ways to occupy your time and socialize. You have embraced some friends in the neighborhood and you guys have formed a little bit of a "bike gang". You even created a random clubhouse with chairs and twinkle lights in the middle of a random neighbor's HUGE fir tree (I really hope that neighbor doesn't mind). I enjoy seeing you active and out of the house with friends. It reminds me a little of my own childhood and makes me a little nostalgic.
But, there are many things you face right now that are very different from my childhood. Social media is one thing. Social issues are another. More and more tweens/teens are dealing with or hearing about very complex issues right now and we have very complex issues in our world right now- race issues in our country, protests, the pandemic, and many other issues of identity that our tweens/teens are facing way too early. Many teens/tweens are struggling with mental health and you and your friends are not different. I'll be honest, this is soooo scary for me as a mom and I worry so much about you. I know you are trying to figure out who you are. I see you "try on" different images... different clothes, different friends, etc. This is no different than it has ever been for teens/tweens- I used to try out different looks, handwriting, even nicknames and names! But, today, there are so many really serious identities to try out and I worry as I see you wrestling with some of these ideas- some that I honestly don't think you are ready to wrestle with.
One thing that has always stood out about you is your self-confidence. You have always believed you could do anything, and when you put your mind to it, you pretty much did. There are so many times I have stood in amazement because you seem completely fearless, when I'm often afraid. I've never seen you back down from a challenge or fail when you wanted to achieve something. You have also always been confident in just being Chloe. You don't have to follow the crowd. You are ok to go it alone, yet you are also able to get along with and work with a variety of people from all different "crowds". I still see this in you, but I also see it somewhat wavering. I see the doubt and the fear creeping in. I see you worry more about what people think. I see you worry more about if you are good enough, pretty enough, nice enough.... just enough.
I want you to know that you are always enough. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and you are EXACTLY who God intended you to be. He has instilled in you unique gifts and talents that are yours alone and He desires you to use them for His glory. No matter what anyone else ever tells you, no matter what it seems the world may say in the media, no matter if people like you or don't like you (because there will always be those that don't), I hope that you always remember that you are a princess. I know, I know... right now the last thing you want to be is a princess (the girly, girl image is out right now). But, like it or not, sister, you are because you are a daughter of a King and He will never leave you or forsake you. Even your dad and I will disappoint and hurt you. Sometimes it may feel like we do that a lot right now and you may not understand us at all, and sometimes you probably don't even like us or respect who we are or what we believe. That's ok. In fact, it's normal and it will probably get worse as you are firmly and pre-teen right now and on the cusp of what will no doubt be some tumultuous years for us. The truth is, we don't know it all either. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we may be wrong. We try to guide you the best we know how and we try to keep you from making mistakes that we made, but in the end you will figure these things out for yourself. It is not our opinion of you or your beliefs that matter. It is not your friend's. Your worth is found in the fact that God was willing to send his son to die to save you. He created you and gave you unique gifts. And He finds you worthy and beautiful. So, no matter what else you may feel, always be confident that you are enough because of Him. Hold firm in that promise and the weight of the world's opinions will begin to slide off your back. I just heard this song and it is perfect for how I feel.
"Hey there beautiful one, you there shining with glory
Would you let your heart hear, if I sang about you
Did you know that every fairy tale you loved they have borrowed your story
Of a maiden so lovely, and a hero so true
It's just that this world is hollow
And it wants to swallow
Any memory of who you really are
Always remember to never forget
When you look in the mirror, the answer is yes
Yes you are pure as gold, yes you are beautiful
So always remember to never forget
Always remember to never forget
Like a treasure in the deep, your heart is a diamond
And your hero will do what it takes to find it
So he can hold it tenderly, and become your defender
Even lay down his life, just to make your heart his
It's just that this world is hollow
And it wants to swallow
Any memory of who you really are
Always remember to never forget
When you look in the mirror, the answer is yes
Yes you are pure as gold, yes you are beautiful
So always remember to never forget
Always remember to never forget"
-Christy Nockels
Happy birthday to my beautiful Chloe. I love you more than you can ever know!
Love,
Mom
