Caroline Cuties

She doesn’t own me... the other two have just worn me down. Her favorite line right now starts with “mommy, I TOLD you...” ok, maybe she does own me. Breakfast this morning:

And later:

Caroline: Can I have some strawberries, too?
Me: We don’t have any. We are out of strawberries.
Caroline: NO! That’s not fair!
Me: Such is life, my dear.
Caroline: Stop talking to me. Just go to the store to get the strawberries.

Caroline Cuties

When I returned home from getting hair done...
Caroline: I like your beautiful hair. And I like your glasses they are so cute. Can you see my face?
Me: I can see your face. I think your face is beautiful.
Caroline: Well... thank you, but my hair is beautiful, too.

Caroline Cuties

Caroline's vocabulary amazes me... she is like a walking thesaurus: "Wow! She is so big! She is enormous and giant. She is so giant and she's enormous." She uses like 3 adjectives every time. 

Caroline Cuties

Matthew’s check-up by Dr. Caroline this morning was very entertaining. “Your stomach is really grumbly” “Well, that sounds weird.” Matthew- Am I going to be ok? C- No. “There’s a monkey in your ear.” (Checks other ear) “Just our luck, there’s a monkey in this one, too.” (Looks in first ear again) “Are you kidding me? There’s a monkey here.” (Looks in other ear, again). “Are you kidding me, too?”

Nothing to See Here

So, Monday night Matthew was washing Chloe's hair and found a dent in her head. Yes, you read that correctly. He brought her to me to feel and she did in fact have about a dime-sized, pretty noticeable dent in the back of her skull a little to the right of the middle of her head. In fact, it kind of turned my stomach when I felt it.

I called and made her an appointment to have it checked out at the pediatrician the next day. We couldn't figure out what in the world it was. We were pretty certain that it had not been there her entire life because surely we would have felt it by now. She had not hit her head on anything that we (or she) knew of.

When we got to the dr. I think they thought I was crazy. The dr. was all ready to humor me and tell me it was her normal head. But, then he felt it and he suddenly went from humoring me to puzzled. He'd never felt anything like that before. She was a medical mystery. He was pretty sure it was nothing to be concerned about since it was bone all the way through and didn't hurt her in any way, and since she was acting completely normal and had basically no medical symptoms of any kind. He ordered some skull x-rays just to be sure and they came back normal, so we are in the clear.

The funny thing was when we got home, my mom and Lynn had been watching Caroline and they both felt Chloe's head. They were asking her if it hurt or anything and she said,

"No. If people would stop reminding me, I wouldn't even know it was there. I'd just be walking around, like, 'Nothin' strange here. Just a normal head. Nope, no dents in this head. It's really not very noticeable to me.'

College Girl

Matthew: Well, I'm going to wipe out your all's college funds in the next couple of weeks to pay for a roof over the deck.

Evan: Ok (continues watching his you tube video on his phone)

Chloe: NO! (swings and hits Matthew in the chest with her binder) I have GOT to go to COLLEGE! Do NOT TOUCH my college money! You can take all of Evan's, but leave mine alone.

Way to go, baby girl. You make Mommy (and Daddy) proud.

Another recent Chloe funny:

Her teacher told me that they had been discussing all the responsibilities adults have in the home (like cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc) in relation to their story they were reading. Chloe apparently said, "An adult in my house naps."

Her teacher responded, "Your mommy probably doesn't have a lot of time to nap, but she needs it because she has to get up with the baby. "

Chloe's reply: "Not that adult."

Who's the Boss?

Tonight Chloe and Evan were playing so nicely together. Evan had decided he was going to start a "fake" business. Chloe jumped right on board,

"The first thing we need is some fake money!"

They sat at the kitchen table making business plans. They created a name and were drawing a logo. Then, Evan decided Chloe needed to fill out an employment application. They were occasionally asking me how to spell things... her middle name. Their address, etc. I'm really thinking that I have the best kids in the world when all of a sudden I hear yelling, and arguing, a paper ripping, and then loud crying. I hear Evan say, "You're fired!"

Chloe comes running to me, crying loudly. Through her loud crying, she tells me that Evan was being mean to her and telling her what to do. Then, he fired her.

I chastised Evan for firing her. He said, "Well, she was being insubordinate. I'm the manager. I can't allow that type of behavior."

Chloe is still loudly wailing and carrying on. I tried to explain to her that if she was going to be an employee in Evan's fake business, then he would be pretending to tell her what to do. It was part of the game. She wasn't having any of it or calming down, so I sent her to her room.

A few minutes later, she calmly returns downstairs. She has stapled some construction paper together and has moved on to the next venture... Creating a flyer for a new movie she is thinking up.

She returns to the kitchen table. As she works, she very calmly says, "Evan, you will never, at any point in your life, even for a fake business, EVER be my boss." And keeps right on working.

Glad we got that straight.

School Tales

Chloe's teacher told me today that while they were in small reading group, Chloe's pencil broke. Her teacher just handed her another one. That pencil, for some crazy reason, just completely snapped in half. Chloe's reaction:

"Um, excuse me. My temporary pencil appears to be having issues."

Bigger Kids Still Say the Darndest Things

I am not as good at writing down all the funny things the kids say now a days, but they still keep us laughing! Here a few I collected:

Mom- Chloe, you're going to make me late for work. (She is pitching a fit)
Chloe- Then, you better stop upsetting me.

Chloe was going to a friend's house to spend the night. They are great friends, but both girls like to call the shots. As she was leaving, I offered this bit of advice:

"Remember that a good friend will do what the other person wants to do sometimes."
Her response, "Ok, I'll tell Paisley that."

Evan: Were the fifties when everything was black and white?

Chloe: I want to go to Wasabi and have some karaoke chicken!

Evan: (power was out) I'm going to have to play outside like a 1985 kid!

Matthew: Did Hudson pee somewhere in the house?
(He and I are frantically searching because he didn't go when he went outside).
Evan: Why are you so worried?
Me: It will stink if he pees and we don't clean it up.
Chloe: Oh no, I can smell the stench already!

What Did You Learn Today?

So, the night before the first day of kindergarten I read Chloe a book about the first day of kindergarten. I carefully tucked her in and kissed her good night. And then she asked me a question:

"What will I do in kindergarten?"

I figured she was feeling a little nervous, so I assured her it would be so much fun. They would sing songs, and paint, and color. They would learn their letters and the sounds they make. They would learn their numbers and how to count. They would learn to read words and then sentences, and finally books. They would learn to add and subtract."

To my surprise, she burst into tears. "What's wrong?" I asked anxiously, surprised by her reaction.

She wailed, "I already know all of that! I won't learn anything new!"

Knowing she was prone to drama at bedtime anyway, I just assured her she would learn new things and told her to go to sleep.

Well, today she came home from school, very excited.

Chloe: Did you know that a caterpillar sheds its skin every 4-5 days?

Me: No, I didn't.

Chloe: Yup, it outgrows it.Turns out there are things to learn at school that I don't already know."

Crazy Summer Days

We have had a wonderful, wonderful summer! I am so dreading seeing it come to an end (in less than 2 weeks, gulp). We had a great vacation and then returned to immediately take a mini-vacation to Wilderness in the Smokies as the kids and I tagged along on a conference Matthew was attending there. That was lots of fun. The kids and I spent the days at Dollywood and we all spent the evenings together at the Water Parks at the Wilderness. Matthew was fortunate to receive a promotion this year and will now be the principal of a different middle school in our school system. We are so happy and excited for him, but it means he's had to work most of the summer so the kids and I have been entertaining ourselves. We've seen several movies, had some playdates, attended some birthday parties and spent lots and lots of days at home and at our next door neighbor's pool. I still have more pictures from this summer to share, but while I'm getting those ready, I thought you would enjoy some crazy kidisms from this summer!

But first, one afternoon the kids entertained themselves in the playroom. I noticed Chloe sitting at her vanity and Evan was curling her hair and putting her "make-up" on. Hmm, I didn't want to interrupt. After a time, Evan said Chloe was going to do a fashion show. This is what I saw...

And then, Evan informed me that Chloe owed him $10 out of her birthday money because that is what she agreed to pay him for her make-over. I agreed to $1.00. He said, "Ok, I'll give her the family discount."

Some other crazy kidisms from the summer:

Chloe:
"I'm better than right. I'm correct!"
"Curse your soul! I'm sleeping with Mommy!" (she wasn't happy her daddy was asking her to sleep in her bed).
(Bending over) "Feast your eyes!" (this was from the movie Brave, you know, where the men wear kilts, ahem).
(At breakfast time) "Give me a fork! I'm gonna cut that baby up! Sayonara egg!"

I got an i-phone this summer! Yay! Evan has been begging me for my Blackberry (which doesn't work anyway).

Me: You don't need a phone, Evan.
Chloe: Yeah, you don't need a phone or a blackberry!

Chloe fell asleep really early one evening, so I carried her up to bed. Unfortunately for us, she woke up around 10:00 and came downstairs as Matthew and I were watching a movie. She comes into the family room and says,
"Well, I see you guys are hanging out."

When she received her "Super Slushy Maker" (the one thing she had repeatedly asked for) for her birthday, she was so excited! She said, "Frozen fun for everyone!"  Those advertisers know what they are doing.

She also told me we need to buy the NeatDesk thingie because it is the "only scanner that thinks".

Evan has had many adventures this summer as well. He decided he wanted to write, direct, and produce a movie. So, he spent days and many pages of a composition book writing the script of his zombie movie. He kept asking quesitons, like "Can we use ketchup for blood?", "Can we use the car in one scene?" We still haven't actually "shot" the movie, but maybe soon.

He also received a "Diary of a Wimpy Kid Do-it yourself Book" and has spent many hours writing and drawing in that.

The latest adventure we have taken on is Geocaching. Have you heard of it? Basically you download this app to your phone and then you can search for hidden boxes (caches) near you. These things are hidden all over the world. We couldn't believe how many there were within just a few miles of our (very rural) home. So, we went on our first adventure last night. You basically send the longitude and latitude coordinates to the GPS in your phone (we also entered them into the GPS in our car, to help us out) and then you follow a map and compass to the treasure. It gives you a brief description and a little clue. This particular adventure was called "The Old Homestead". It was supposed to be a cache that had been placed on some property that his family had once owned. Supposedly some relatives still lived there and knew about the cache. We followed the map and compass (and spoken directions) to some private property in our town. We were looking around in some pine trees for the cache because the clue was "O Tanenbaum" when the property owners came driving out of their driveway. I was kind of embarrassed, but they were nice. The descriptions said they knew about the cache, but they didn't seem to. Matthew spent quite a bit of time trying to explain to them what we were doing and why (kind of hard to explain why) and then finally, the man told us that his 4 year old grandson had found the camouflaged tube in a different pine tree a few weeks ago and that it had a little yellow rabbit inside. Too, funny! Evan was pretty disappointed that it had already been discovered. It said, you could take the item if you replace it with something of equal value, so the kids had brought a few toys just in case. But, it was a fun adventure for a summer evening. We are going to try another one tonight.

We have loved our laid-back, lazy, FUN summer!

Just Everyday Silliness

Silly sayings of late:

Evan: Mom, skip this part (of Spiderman), there's bad language and Chloe doesn't need to hear that.

Chloe: E-VAN! I want to hear the bad words!

Evan: You can't hear them, you are too young.

Chloe: (starts crying) I want to he-ar the ba-ad wo-rds!

Evan: I'm sorry. You can hear them when you are my age. I was going to let you when you were four, but not now that you're crying.


At a recent birthday party I notice my pretty little girl with her entire hand in her mouth licking the icing from her fingers. I say, "Chloe, use your napkin, honey." She looks at the pink, polka-dotted napkin lying beside her and then looks back at me with a horrified look on her face. "Momma! It's too pretty!"

Last night, we rented two movies from Redbox. Hop for the kids and Cowboys Versus Aliens (guess who picked out the movies) for us. We thought the kids might watch their movie while we watched ours. Chloe had other ideas. On one of her million trips into the family room to interrupt our movie, she says, "Is this movie appropriate?" Matthew said, "No, it is not appropriate for you." She said, "I don't think it is appropriate for you either!"

This morning Chloe got up and was on the potty while I was in the shower. As I started to get out, I asked if she was finished. She said, "Well, of course I am."

On the way home from ballet:
Chloe: Mom, can we discuss gymnastics?
Me: Do you want to take gymnastics?
Chloe: I want to discuss it.
Me: What do you want to discuss about it?
Chloe: Well, this is what we'll do. I'll discuss it and when I'm finished you say, "yes".
Me: Yes to what?
Chloe: (sighs deeply) Mom, weren't you listening?
Me: Yes, but I don't understand.
Chloe: (another deep sigh) All you need to remember is "yes", got it?

Evanisms and Chloe Cuties- Spring Edition!

After Evan's musical (see the post below), we told him that while he was backstage getting ready his dad had gone onstage and sang the Pokemon song over the microphone for everyone. He didn't believe us, but was still a little unsure. When we finally admitted, he had not taken the stage, Evan said,

"Whew! I didn't want Dad to spoil my life!"

On the way home, we stopped for milkshakes. From the backseat, Evan says, "How does mom drink her milkshake so fast?" What can I say? It is an art form. Years and years of practice, son. Matthew answered him, "She just sucks it down. She doesn't play around!" Chloe said,

"I sucked it down, too! I don't play with it either!"

We were watching Tangled in the car. Chloe said, "When we watch this movie, Evan says it is "Tangled", but it is really called, "Rapunzel" because that is her name, right?" I told her, "The movie is called "Tangled" and her name is "Rapunzel", so you are both kind of right." Chloe answered, "but I'm righter, right?"

During one part of the movie, Chloe said, "That is heewarious! I falled on the floor laughing! I was rollin'! It was HEE-warious!"

When we got home, Chloe didn't want to go inside because she didn't want to miss the movie. I said, "Why don't we go in and eat dinner and then you can watch the movie in bedroom." She said, "I KNOW! We can eat dinner and watch the movie after dinner!" I said, "Great idea! I wish I had thought of that!" She said, "Me, too! Wait a minute, I did think of that!"

Be sure to look at all the new posts from April! You may have to click "older posts"!

Evanisms and Chloe Cuties

After finding a rather large, oversized chair had been scooted across the family room floor, I said, "You guys have moved the whole chair! How did you manage to do that?"

Chloe: Well, Mom, it was pretty easy.
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Evan: Mom, are you ever going to have another baby?
Me: Probably, not.
Evan: Why?
Me: Well, your dad doesn't want to have another baby.
Evan: Well, don't listen to him! You make the babies!
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While I was making Chloe's bed in the morning, she found me and said, "Mom, what are you doing? It is your turn to brush my teeth and you are wasting my time!"
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Me: Evan, if it is raining when you leave school today, get your raincoat out of your backpack and put it on.
Evan: What if I don't?
Chloe: I guess you'll be soaking wet. (matter of factly)
(at least one of my children has enough sense to get out of the rain)
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Evan let out a super loud, uber disgusting belch in the car the other day. I promptly started lecturing, "That is disgusting! I don't ever want to hear that again! yadda, yadda, yadda."
Evan responded, "I'm surprised I pulled that off. I've been practicing, but I'm not that good."
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Matthew called home to tell the kids goodnight when he was out of town recently. Chloe said, "I'm busy watching cartoons right now. Can you just let me know when you're home?"
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Chloe wanted to make a sock puppet the other day. After completing her art work on the sock, she began playing. Soon I heard, "My sock puppet is the walking dead!" Matthew said, "Why don't you pretend your sock puppet is a princess? It can be an Ariel sock puppet."  Chloe cheerfully agreed and then turned to me and said, "Mom! This Ariel puppet is pretending to be the walking dead!"
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Chloe told my mom she wanted to be a cheerleader. My mom told her, "Your mommy used to be a cheerleader." She said, "REALLY? That is hilarious!"  (I somewhat take offense to that!)
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Evan is the star of the week this week. He gets to answer five questions from classmates each day. On Monday, I asked him what they asked.
1. What is your favorite video game? A: Halo 3 Me: Evan! You've never even played Halo!! Why would you say that?  E:Well, I'd like to play it.
2. What is your favorite movie? A: Terminator Matthew: You've never seen Terminator!
I was afraid to ask anymore. We had a long discussion about he needed to answer the questions truthfully and not what he wanted the answers to be. I mean I feel guilty enough about the things we do let him play/watch, we don't need him stretching the truth! Geez!
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Thank you, folks! We're here all week!

More Kidspeak

While reading "The Little Red Hen",
Matthew: Her friends don't seem very nice.
Evan: Oh, just wait a few pages, they get their karma.

Random stranger: How old are you?
Chloe: three
Random stranger: And when will you be four?
Chloe: I'll be four on my next birthday. (the duh was implied)

Matthew: Boy, it's really raining today.
Evan: Ya think?

Matthew: Chloe! Don't fall out of your chair!
Chloe: I didn't do it on purpose! Now I'm going to fight you!

Matthew: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
Chloe: If you say that one more time you are getting a spanking!

Evan's recent note to his teacher (his words):

I am sorry I drew pictures and wrote things that were inappropriate in class. I will not draw or write about blood or killing again. I'm sorry.

Note to us: No more violent video games for a while. 

Chloe Funnies

Chloe: Mom, I wish I could feel beautiful.
Me: You are beautiful.
Chloe: I know, but I want to feel beautiful.
Me: What would make you feel beautiful?
Chloe: A pretty, new skirt.

Chloe, while watching Chewbacca on Star Wars in the car, "I don't understand why there is a yeti in outer space."

Chloe's original bedtime prayer:
"Dear God, thank you for helping me find my abc's this night.
And still finding them in the morning light.
You find them all the time alright.
Because you are so polite."

Matthew happened upon Chloe and I watching "Dance Moms" on Lifetime. (I only let her watch the ending where the girls are actually performing, not the drama parts). He said, "This is not appropriate." Chloe said, "Da-ad! This is Dance Moms! It is appropriate!"

I know she has about a million more that I cannot remember! She is at that super funny age, but I forget them so fast. She is a mess, that is for sure! We love her funny little voice.

Disney Funnies

Just a few funny kidisms from Disney before I forget...

As we were running for the buses during an approaching thunderstorm, "I don't want to die in the happiest place on Earth!" ~ Evan, age 6.


"You can tell if a boy is a fairy if he smells like cotton candy under his armpits." ~ Chloe, age 3.

Note: I have no idea how she knows this other than from personal experience (remember Terrance?). As far as I know, no one has told her this, but she is certain that none of the boys she knows are fairies.

Sass Mouth!

Whew! My children are soooo sassy! I don't know whether to laugh or smack them half the time! I usually just settle on laughing... so here's hoping some of these will make you laugh, too.

Me: It says in your planner that you can write a telling sentence. What's a telling sentence?
Evan: I don't know.
Me: Come on, you must know what it is. It says right here that you do.
Evan: Nope, no idea.
Me: Didn't Mrs. Rust teach you about telling sentences?
Evan: I'm telling you, I don't know what a telling sentence is! There, I think I just said a telling sentence! Are you happy?

Grandmother: You need to tell me you are sorry for being ugly to me.
Chloe: Well, I would if you would just ask nicely.

Me: Chloe, can I please have one of your pretzels?
Chloe: Ok, FINE! But one is it! Don't ask for anymore!

Granddaddy: Evan, why do you eat waffles here at our house and not at home?
Evan: Have you ever tasted their waffles?!

Chloe scraped her leg on the concrete bleachers after I had told her for the millionth time to sit down and be still.
Me: I told you to sit down. That's why you hurt yourself.
Chloe: (loudly) This is your fault! Bad, Mommy! Don't hurt me again!

I'm still waiting on the call from child protective services.

Evan had a note in his planner that he was throwing mulch on the playground.
Me: Evan, what happened?
Evan: Well some other kids....
Matthew: Nope, no excuses. What did you do?
Evan: Well, these boys....
Matthew: I don't want to hear about other boys. What did you do?
Evan: I threw mulch.
Matthew: Thank you.
Evan: (super fast) because these other boys were throwing it at us first!
Matthew: I don't care who threw it first. You are not to throw mulch.
Evan: So, I can't defend myself?
Matthew: Unless your life is in grave danger you need to just walk away or tell a teacher.
Evan: It's not a big deal, anyway. People have to walk for 5 minutes

I'm glad you can find humor at the expense of my sanity:)

Chloe's Lesson on Love

Our preacher has been preaching on the Beattitudes and 2 Sundays ago he was preaching from the Sermon on the Mount. During this sermon he went back to 1 Corinthians 13 and reviewed Jesus's definition of love. The other night in the bathtub Chloe started saying,

Love is a mother.
Love is a brother.
Do not hit me or bit me or spit me.
Do not tease me or freeze me.
Do not splash me or fash me.
This is love.

She did several more of these little rhymes. Alot of them didn't make sense, but some of them kind of did and I couldn't figure out where they had come from. I said, "Where did you learn that?"

She said, "From the guy at church! I listened to the guy at church and he taught me that!"

So, at least Pastor Neil can rest assured that someone out there is listening.

More Funnies

Matthew was being a wise guy this morning and I said, "Don't be a smart alec."

Evan: "Can I be a smart alec? I want to be the smartest alec there ever was!"

Poor Evan had a pretty bad bike wreck the other night. It was his first trip around the block on his new bike and he lost control going down a pretty big hill. When I got to him, he said, "This bike is just too fast! Can't you slow it down?" I explained to him that that would be what his brakes were for.

As I was cleaning up his wounds, he was getting slightly hysterical so I told him to calm down. He said, "I can't. I am literally terrified!"

Chloe chowed down on some chips and pretty spicy queso at dinner tonight. As a result her cheeks turned bright red. I was a little concerned because they were still very red even on the way home. In her usual fashion she was narrating the ride home in song:

"Oh, I'm so excited and I'm so happy and my cheeks are still red, but that's just the deeeeeaaaal."