To Ball or Not to Ball

Well, we decided not to this year. After talking with a lot of experienced moms and dads of little league survivors at school we decided that the age range was just too great and Evan was not ready. Add to that the fact that he really doesn't want to play anyway and we decided this was not the year for him. Matthew actually tried to check about playing in Kingston where they apparently have real tee ball and smaller age ranges, but he never could get a hold of anyone at the barber shop where apparently you sign up for ball there. Gotta love small towns :).

Anyway, I think this is best. We recently dropped tae kwon do as well because we saw his instruction taking a turn we weren't comfortable with. Like cage fighting and a big kid bending his foot back until he cried mercy, or "tapped out". We are not so interested in developing an ultimate fighting champion and they were pressuring us to start bringing him to the older class in addition to his class... that would be 3 nights a week! And for weeks Evan had been giving us a hard time about going... so we let him "take a break".

Just call us the kiddie drop out parents.

But, you know what? Evan really doesn't have a lot of interest in that stuff right now. He wants to play with his toys at home. He wants to be a kid and play outside and relax. I know we don't have many years where he will want to be at home with us. Might as well enjoy them. So, we will continue to offer activities to him, but if he doesn't want to do them I'm not going worry about it.

Besides, it makes my life much easier. And we will have more family time. There are plenty of years left to be busy and running every night. I think this summer, we'll just relax and enjoy each other.

Tee Ball?

So, I signed Evan up for what I thought was tee ball a few weeks ago. I called the parks and rec department and asked them when sign ups were for tee ball in February. They told me in March. In March, we called back and asked about tee ball and they told us to sign up at the Community Center. I went down to the Community Center and said I wanted to sign my son up for tee ball and they gave me a form to fill out.

Well, his coach called on Friday night and said our first practice would be Saturday. Matthew took him down there. I was very excited for him.

When he came home, he had a disheartened look on his face. He said, "Mom, it didn't go so well. I only hit two balls." and hung is head. My heart sank. Evan is not the most athletic little boy, but this is the first time I've seen him discouraged by it. He's never really noticed in the past who was "good" and who was not. Maybe he didn't even know what "good" was. But, I've noticed he has been noticing differences in other kids more lately and apparently that carried over to the tee ball field. My heart hurt for him. He had been nervous before going to practice. He had said he was afraid he wouldn't know what to do. I had assured him everyone would be just like him... learning.

I looked anxiously at Matthew who said, "It's not tee ball. It's coach pitch and there are ages 4-8 on his team."

Yowzers!

I had no idea! It never occurred to me that they would have such a large age range on the team or that after I had specifically said I wanted to sign my son up for tee ball that someone would not have explained to me that they don't have tee ball.

So, now we are not sure what to do. Evan has never had any experience with baseball at all. He has barely even played in the backyard. Matthew felt like the other kids were better, more experienced, and more focused.

In fact, he told me that while the coach was explaining something to them in the field, Evan saw a bee and proceeded to tell the team how bees fly from flower to flower spreading pollen and collecting nectar and that they use it to make honey and we get the honey from the bee hives and eat it.

My heart swelled with pride when I heard that. I love my smart boy so much. And I could honestly care less if he ever plays any sports... but I want him to have the opportunity to see if he likes it and interact with other kids and learn to be part of a team and all that good stuff.

We still haven't decided what to do. Evan is not really enthusiastic about sports anyway and I don't want him to get discouraged or worse yet, to have a bad experience with kids (or parents) ridiculing him. He is not very competitive (he gets that from me), but he's sensitive. And I know other kids (especially 8 year olds) and parents will be competitive and I know these things can get ugly sometimes. And I really don't want to have to get ugly.

He wants to play, but he "wants to wait until he can practice at home and get better before he goes back". That makes me sad. What to do, what to do? Why is being a parent so hard sometimes? Geez, and he's only 4! What will I do when the really big decisions come along? Like whether or not to let him go to the sleepover when we don't really know the family.

How do you know when to protect and when to let go? Do I encourage him to stick with it and try his best and let him work it out on his own? Or is it cruel to push him into an environment that I don't think he's ready for? I wish they had Upward Tee Ball. They don't, do they?

Granddaddy's Girl

Lynn had to go to his brother, Ray's house on Friday to "work cattle". (Don't ask, you probably don't want to know, trust me.) Anyway, so he didn't get to see Chloe on Friday. And we didn't make it to church this morning so he didn't see her this morning either. When I talked to my mom tonight I asked if they were interested in pizza for dinner. She said no at first because she was planning to cook, but as soon as she asked Lynn, he said yes! We secretly knew it was because he was having Chloe withdrawal.

When we told Chloe where we were going she got so excited! When we started getting closer to their house, she started saying "Gandaddy! Gandaddy! Gandaddy's house! I wof oo Gandaddy! I gonna give Gandaddy big hug! Biiiiiiig hug!"

And when we walked in the door, I don't know who was more excited, Chloe or Granddaddy! She took off running to him and he was just as happy to see her.

She is definitely a Granddaddy's girl! I still think it might be the Old Spice.

I Love You Through and Through

Do you know this book? It's called,

"I Wof Oo Foo an Foo"

And it's currently one of Chloe's favorite books. We read it almost every night in addition to some others.

I always make sure that it is out where she can see it when she goes to pick out her books.

That way I know she will grab it.

And she will bring it to me to read.

And she will say,

"I Wof Oo Foo an Foo"

And my night will be complete.

Chloe,

I love you through and through. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow, too.

My Goodness

Matthew found these pictures in an e-mail he had saved from 2 years ago. They are from Evan's first year at "school". He sent it to me at school today. I gaped at these pictures in shock. Who is that little guy in these pictures? Where has the time gone? When did he grow up? I don't remember it happening.

And then I cried.

In front of my class.

They didn't notice.

They are sixth graders.

They don't notice anything unless it is going to affect their social life in some way.

Look at this precious little baby. I can't believe how fast he has changed. How did I not notice it was happening? It makes me want to try to find a way to freeze Chloe in time. Or just stare at her every second of everyday so that she can't grow up without me knowing. But she is. Already. It's inevitable. Good thing I take a lot of pictures. I need to take more pictures. Of both of them. And more video. Lots more video. I need to video every single day so I don't miss a single thing because look what happens when you blink your eyes.

They grow up.

Who is this little guy?
This one is Evan with his teacher. He loved his teacher. He also had to bring his blue blankie, that big Winnie the Pooh blanket (Chloe now uses it in her crib), his brown puppy, and a little pregnant stuffed bear that I got for Christmas the year I was pregnant with him to school with him every day. I had almost forgotten about that until I saw this picture.

He also went through a stage where he always smiled like this... all cheesy and with his eyes squinted up. I had almost forgotten about that as well.

When I saw this picture, all I could think of was him on his first day of school. He came home that day and we asked him on video tape if he liked his first day. He said, "I miss mommy and daddy. I cry. Wahhh!"

Oh my goodness.

When I look at these pictures I miss this little guy so much my heart hurts. He is gone, there is no doubt about that. I didn't even realize he was leaving. I don't think he did either. We never told each other goodbye. I never saw him leave. One day he was here and the next day this big boy was in his place.

But, I'm so proud of the big boy that has taken his place that my heart swells with pride.

Two short years.

They went by in a blink of an eye.

And now when I pick him up from school he talks the whole way home about his day and how he shared show and tell and what all of his friends said and what he wants to do for his birthday and the games that his friends play at their house. He asks me for a cell phone so he can call his friends. He tells me he invited everyone to our house for a party and it is going to start in 5 minutes. He writes his name. He knows all of his letters. He writes me notes. He goes down the tunnel slide. He throws baseball with his dad. He rides his bike with training wheels. He does homework at the kitchen counter. He puts his clothes on by himself. He bakes cookies with me. We sit and we talk. We have conversations. He tells me how special I am to him and how much he loves me.

Oh my goodness.

I am so amazed and proud and filled with joy every single day by all that he is today that I can barely remember who that little guy in the picture was.

So, why, does my heart ache just a little bit when I see these pictures?

Oh my goodness.

Procrastination

You know how in job interviews they often ask you, what would you say is your worst flaw? And people always say:

"I get too committed to the task at hand and tend to ignore my family in favor of my work."

or

"I'm a perfectionist and cannot sleep until every detail of a project I am working on is absolutely perfect."

or

"I take on too much responsibility and end up sacrificing my social life in order to ensure that my company is successful."

or

"I care too much about the children I am teaching. I get too emotionally attached and end up devoting too much time, money, and effort to ensuring their success."

You know, things that could technically be flaws but have been spun to also be desirable to the person considering hiring you?

Well, if I ever go through another job interview and am asked that question I am going to have to think of a way to put a nice little spin on this:

"I put everything off until the very last minute and then totally freak out about not being able to get it done. I then gain 20 pounds from stress eating and don't sleep for about 2 weeks. Finally I get it done and then I swear I will never do that again. And I plan to start on my next assignment right away... tomorrow.... after I blog.... and edit photos... and upload photos... and make a photo book... and play with the kids... and eat some more. But after all that, I'm getting right to work."

Any suggestions on how to make that work for me?

So, what am I doing right now? Well, I'm procrastinating of course. I took the day off work today to attempt to get all of the remaining work done for the semester for my Ed.S. classes because I have literally been turning every assignment in within 20 minutes of the deadline and yesterday I had a slight emotional breakdown when I realized I had missed an entire week of assignments in one of my classes. I can't believe I did that!!

Luckily for me, my professor is allowing me to turn them in late.

I am taking 4 classes this semester. 12 hours. I don't know what in the world I was thinking! Honestly. I must have lost my ever-loving mind.

Well, I'm losing it now. The stress has kicked in.

But, today I am done procrastinating. Today I am getting ahead.... Right after I finish this post.

Seriously. I will not allow myself to look at any website other than TTU's until all the work I can do today has been done.

Seriously.

Who am I kidding? I have added more to this post three times now instead of just hitting post and getting to work.

I am hopeless.

But, I am getting to work. Right now. As soon as I refill my coffee cup again.

Family Fun on the First Day of Spring

Just Hanging Out Around the House

When I see this room, I have the exact same reaction.
Since Chloe had finally surpassed 20 pounds at her 18 month checkup, we needed to change carseats out from Grandmother's house. She had still been riding rear facing in her infant seat, but the weight limit only went up to 22 pounds. At the same time she discovered a love for buckling and unbuckling her carseat buckle. Instead of letting her sit in the car for hours, Matthew started letting her play in her old infant seat. It became her new recliner.

Better safe than sorry. Even though the gator is parked in the garage, Chloe insisted on wearing a helmet.

With as many spills as she's been taking lately, it might not be a bad idea for her to keep that helmet on.

Happy First Day of Spring!

The trees are budding...
The daffodils are beginning to bloom...

Spring is here!

Today could not have been a more perfect first day of spring! We enjoyed the day outside with a cookout with some family. I'll share some pictures later.

Getting Ready for Baby Carson

Last weekend my best girlfriends and I hosted a baby shower for my best friend, Robin. It was a wonderful day. I had so much fun catching up with friends and visiting with those from out of town. And of course, I'm so excited for Baby Carson to arrive!

My friend Amanda made this amazing cake. She is so talented!

The mommy to be.

Beautiful baby belly. I love baby bellies.

The greatest friends in the world.

clear communication

Tonight since it was such a pretty day and I had the kids alone and I have decided to try to get a little more exercise in at night as well, I decided we should all go on a walk after dinner. Surprise, surprise, Evan didn't want to.

Chloe gleefully went into the stroller and Evan whined. Finally I convinced him to ride his big wheel around the block. It was quite interesting attempting to push both the stroller and the big wheel up hills at the same time, but I made it. Good lower body exercise.

So, after the first lap I started right on in for the second. Evan rebelled. He whined and complained and every two seconds something else hurt on his body. I told him he could either get off and walk, ride without complaining, or we would just go home and he could go straight to bed. We went a little further and he continued the same pattern finally stopping and saying he could not go any further.

I told him to just turn around and go home and...

I was going to say "we'll take a bath and you can come back down and watch TV for a while while I put Chloe to bed.", but I never got it out.

Evan lost it. He started crying and pushing that big wheel up the hill with his feet as fast as he could away from me because he thought I was going to say "go to bed."

I was trying to chase after him, but every time I would try to talk or get nearer to him he would freak out again and he was surprisingly quick on that thing. Especially for someone who was completely unable to move on his own power when not going downhill only a few seconds earlier.

Finally I caught up with him and bent down and looked him right in the eyes and said, "Hush all that crying. I said you could take a bath and come back downstairs. Isn't that what you wanted?"

At this point he promptly stopped crying and then said, "Why didn't you just say that?"

I said, "I tried, but you wouldn't listen."

He said, "Next time you need to speak louder, more slowly, and clearly so that I can understand you." Enunciating each word very deliberately and carefully as if I were hard of hearing.

Oh, so that was the problem, huh? I'll have to remember that. Louder, more slowly, and clearly. Got it.

Tough Guy

After multiple warnings to not fall off the bed to my two children who are rolling around on the bed, I just watched Evan fall right off and land with a thud on the floor.

He immediately, I mean quicker than I could gasp, jumped up and yelled, "I just fell off the bed and I didn't even cry! I fell hard, thud, and scraped my knee and didn't cry at all! Isn't that AMAZING?!"

His voice was getting higher and higher pitched and louder the whole way through the above speech so that at the end he sounded slightly hysterical.

I had to choke back laughter as I congratulated my brave boy standing there with a big forced grin on his face, trying so hard to keep it together that he kind of reminded me of the Joker.. slightly crazy.

It's a step in the right direction, though, so I'll take it.

He said his teacher would be so proud of him.

By the way, this makes the third time I have "let" him fall off the bed in his lifetime. The other two were while changing diapers when he was a baby. Once he fell right on top of me as I was down on my hands and knees looking for his paci that he had dropped. I have "let" Chloe fall once (see I have gotten better), just the other day. My standard response is: "Sh__!" Which I almost NEVER say. But, you'll be glad to know that I did not let it slip tonight. Another sure sign that I'm improving as a mother.

I will be practically perfect by the time the third one comes along;). Just kidding, Matthew still says no.

On a different note, I tried to snuggle up to him on the couch earlier while he was watching Wolverine and he kind of just looked over at me and then whispered, "Can I watch this alone, please?"

Well, um, sure, I guess.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this!

Sisterly Love

Monday morning Evan was having a little trouble getting going. Understandable considering the time change and all. Matthew was attempting to get him dressed and Evan was whining nonstop about not wanting to get up, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to put his clothes on, etc.

I was changing Chloe's diaper on the bed and she was listening to all of this.

Suddenly she pulled her paci out of her mouth, held it out to Evan and said, "You need a paci, bubba?"

Even Evan got the humor in the situation and looked slightly embarrassed about his obviously "babyish" behavior.

So funny!

Keep the Good Ones

The other day Matthew took the day off work and after he took our car to be maintenanced, he picked Evan up early from school. They went to a movie and ate lunch and Evan picked out a toy from Wal-Mart. It should have been a perfect day.

But, being a parent is not always easy. And Evan for some unknown reason, ended their day together by saying something very hurtful to Matthew.

What should have been a perfect day changed into a difficult father/son day. I'm sure there will be more of those to come, unfortunately.

But, after it was all said and done and Evan apologized, the tides changed again. And I'm certain that what I will actually remember from that day is not the hurt and anger, but this:

The laughter. The playfulness. The fun.

The good memories.

I'm going to keep the good ones.

Great

This morning when I got ready to go to church I put my red sweater on.

It was a struggle to get there this morning. There was the time change, the rain.

Matthew was kind of wanting to skip (and eat at Cracker Barrel instead).

Evan pitched a fit about his shirt because it had a collar and buttons and said he didn't want to go.

Chloe even rebelled on me when I told her we would see Granddaddy at church not at his house. I got an Awwww! from her.

I was pretty frustrated with my family, just to be honest. Getting kids to church is hard. It's a lot of work. Putting up with the arguments and fits and temper tantrums as we rush to get ready is hard. And when you make it to church (usually late), it is hard again. My kids have never been "nursery" kids and although Evan is old enough to go to Children's Church now he often says he doesn't want to. So, I miss half the service trying to keep them quiet (and fed because there is something about church which brings out a voracious appetite). Each time Chloe speaks, Matthew's blood pressure rises higher. She is at the age where you cannot convince her to be quiet and whisper. It's hard. And especially on days when Matthew isn't really in the mood to be helpful (because he is agreeing with them), it would be so much easier just to say, "OK! Fine! Enough already! You win." and let peace be restored to the family. And I would say that is the main reason that our attendance in church since Evan was born has been inconsistent at best. The only problem is that peace is not restored to my heart. Because I feel guilty. I feel like a lousy mother. I feel like I am breaking a promise to God that I made when I begged for Him to bless me with healthy children.

This morning was one of those hard mornings. And I was near tears by the time we pulled out of the driveway (late) with Evan whining about not wanting to go. But we were going. All of us. And I had my red sweater on.

It was spitting rain when we arrived at church and I ran on up to the doors with Chloe while Matthew got Evan out of the car. As we got to the doors of the church I could hear the hymn being sung (since we were late). How Great Thou Art.

And as Matthew and Evan joined me and we entered, my heart ached. We disturbed everyone and crowded into the pew. My heart throbbed. The man behind me handed me a hymnal turned to the right page. I looked down at the blurry words on the page and a tear hit the book.

"Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee. How great thou art, how great thou art."

The tears streamed down my face now.

"When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim:"My God how great thou art!""

One of my Grandmother's favorite hymns. I remember her telling me it was her favorite one night at church. I remember the sound of her voice singing it.

And here I was singing it this morning in my red sweater. Beside my family. Beside my Granddaddy in his red tie. Beside my daughter whom she never met in her red dress. Here we were singing, How Great Thou Art this morning.

And she was missing. It's been two years today since she's been with us. Our souls sang "How Great Thou Art" and we believed it. But, our hearts ached for her.

I don't think the song was sung on purpose. But, it was perfect. And I was glad that I made the effort to get my family to church that morning as she had always tried to do.

And after the song was over I wondered if it had been as much of a struggle for her when her children were young as it is for me sometimes. And I wished I could ask her about it.

I miss you today, Grandmother. But I'm so glad you can now sing in the presence of God.

On a positive note, Chloe had to be removed to the nursery when the sermon began. But to our amazement, she stayed without Granddaddy and she played happily (Matthew kept peeking around the corner to check) and never even got upset. I am amazed. It must be a miracle, but if it will continue it could make a world of difference in our church experience.

Painful Lessons

Poor Chloe, her stubbornness has caused her some pain lately. Yesterday she fell while climbing in and out of her booster seat for the millionth time (with me telling her not to for the millionth time) and hit her head. Fortunately, her head is obviously hard so she was fine. Unfortunately that hard head caused her to go right back at it as soon as the tears were dry.

Tonight she was in the bed watching cartoons and I was lounging beside her catching up on my blog reading. She would not be still! She kept standing up and rolling around and getting dangerously close to the edge. All of which was seriously interrupting my blog reading. She rolled dangerously close to the edge once again and I grabbed her and pulled her back much to her dismay. To pay me back as soon as I let go of her she lurched away from me with all her might and went right off the bed, hitting her chin on the nightstand on the way down. There was quite a bit of blood. She bit her tongue. There were quite a few tears. I got her a Popsicle. (That is the cure all for mouth injuries). At first she wouldn't even try the Popsicle because her mouth hurt. But, finally she timidly took a little lick and then she looked at me with a little smile and a big sigh and said, "I feel better now".

I'm so glad.

Random quote of the day: "One-eyed Willie?! Holy cow! If it were me, I'd have to be a two-eyed Willie because I'm not wearing a patch!" ---Evan Tinker, in response to a line from the classic movie, The Goonies.

Yes, I told Matthew it has some inappropriate parts in it. He promised to "edit" them. It is free on On Demand. You know you want to watch it! It brings back so many wonderful childhood memories!

Who Am I?

I am Batgirl!

Batman finally has a worthy sidekick! He's been waiting for this. Unfortunately she doesn't listen very well.