On to More Important Things

I just finished and submitted my "rough draft" of the last two chapters of my research paper (and added them to the first 3 after going through and changing it all to past tense). Hopefully, prayerfully, it should only be minor editing and little changes/corrections from here on out. Unless I really messed up on something. I also took my Comps last night, so it looks like I might really have a Masters degree here in a couple of months.

Now I can get back to more important things.... like taking pictures, editing them, and posting them on here!

By the way, for those just dying to know (I know you are out there, somewhere). My 2x2x2x3 factorial analysis of variance (you know the one I paid 50 bucks for? Grrr! It only took her an hour, thank goodness) found no significant main effects from the instructional method looping on student achievement in reading and no significant interactions between the independent variables gender, socioeconomic status, ability, and instructional method. So, basically I paid 50 bucks for nothing wrote an 87 page paper to say.... I didn't find a darn thing of any importance to anyone!

Oh, well, that is how I suspected it would turn out. I think my students who looped with me actually probably did do better in reading, but the TCAP measures language arts and reading together and so the students I had that did not loop with me had my lovely husband for language arts. And he manages to blow his test scores out of the water every single year. I'm halfway surprised it didn't show that the kids that looped with me did worse. I still don't know how he does it. It's a mystery to me. But, I'm kind of glad that he's now out of the classroom, so I don't have to hear it all the time :).

Anyway, I'm pretty sure he messed up my entire research. Threw my data all out of whack. It's all his fault.

As he would say, "Of course it is his fault, isn't everything?"

It doesn't really matter, anyway, I didn't have to find anything significant to graduate, just had to write the stinkin' paper. And the stinkin' paper is done! (well, almost, fingers crossed)

WHEW!

College Ethics and Brotherly Pride

Does anyone else think it seems slightly unethical that I pay nearly $1600 in tuition (including fees) for one class which is a class in which I am supposed to complete chapters 4 & 5 of my research paper which includes the data (presentation, analysis, discussion, etc) of my research and then I get an e-mail that says, "Hello, I'm your instructor. Please submit a rough draft of your paper on June 29 and the final draft is due July 24. If you have concerns about running the statistics on your data you can contact Professor C at this number and for $50 per hour she will assist you with your data." ? Anyone?

Does anyone think that is the worst run-on sentence you've ever seen? Me, too, but I have no energy to fix it this morning.

I find this unethical. It seems that if I pay for a class, then the college should have some sort of responsibility to teach me how to complete my paper or at the very least provide assistance at no cost to me, not direct me to a different professor that I can pay to run my data!

But, since I have no idea how to do it myself and the rough draft is due in less than a week and a half, I felt I had no choice. Anyone want to bet on how many hours (she claims) it takes her to run my data?

_____________________________________

Ok, new topic. Evan's amazement at Chloe's accomplishments cracks me up. For weeks now, everytime she stands, he screams, "She's STANDING UP!". He seems genuinely amazed every single time, LOL.

This morning they were playing with the magnets on the fridge while I made breakfast and he said, "Mommy, she said da-da-ba-da in OUR LANGUAGE!" LOL. Then he said, "SHE'S PUTTING THE MAGNETS ON THE REFRIGERATOR! Isn't that amazing, mom? A baby putting the magnets on the refrigerator!"

Finally, the Final is Over and My Final Grade is Finally Final. Finally.

I had my 100 question final tonight, and the title of this post should say all you need to know about how many brain cells I have left afterward. I seriously did not study, not one minute. I printed off a study guide that my friend, Abbi e-mailed me last week today at work, and then I caught up on Pioneer Woman's blog. And then I hopped onto Facebook for a while. And then I checked e-mail. And then I checked my other e-mail. And then I checked my other e-mail. Good grief, I have a lot of e-mail accounts. And then I strolled down to the office to check my box, which was still empty. And then I checked to see if anyone had updated their blogs, again. None of you had. Ahem. And then I went to lunch. I came back and even carried my bag with my notes and book and all into the building. Then, I checked my e-mail (all three of them) and hopped on Facebook, and called my sister-in-law to check on Oliver, and I think you see where this is going. I finished out my day by sketching out some options for the kids' birthday cakes and pondering (again) if I should attempt to make and decorate them myself or pay someone to do it for me.

I skimmed over the study guide as I crammed an Arby's roast beef sandwich, curly fries, and a diet coke to wash it all down, down my throat and listened to the professor try to scare the pants off of everyone before class started. She did at one point say that it "was more of a reading test than a research test" meaning many of the answers could be found on other parts of the test. When she said that, I closed my notes. I am a reading teacher after all!

I got pretty confused on all the t's and p's. Luckily, there were no Greek letters on the test, but by the time I was finished I wasn't sure if I had one-tail or two. But I still felt like I had passed it at least. I started out keeping a tally of questions I wasn't sure about to try to estimate a worse case scenario of my grade, but I gave up on that... I ran out of fingers pretty quickly and I thought people might think I was strange if I pulled my shoes off. Besides, I couldn't even really remember how many I could miss and still make an A... or B... or C... so what was the point?

Anyway, the professor was grading our papers as we turned them in and with the students who finished before me she had literally talked to each student about each question they missed as she graded them. I really wasn't interested in that, sooooo, I walked up to her and handed her my paper and quickly crossed my legs and danced a little like a 2nd grader and whispered urgently, "I'm just going to leave this with you and run to the restroom. I'll be right back!" and I took off. I think the legs crossed pee-pee dance, really added a necessary touch of drama.

So, when I came back in the room, she started walking toward me with my paper and I thought, "This can't be good."

But, it was. Somehow, I made an A on the test. I don't even remember how many I missed, but it was an A. That is all that matters. I am telling you now, that it was all God on that test. He must have been guiding my pencil and possibly even going behind me with his golden eraser and erasing my answers and writing the right ones in with His divine hand or maybe He made her eyes see something different than my answers when she looked at my test. I can't explain it. It was a miracle, that is all I can say.

But, regardless of exactly what divine intervention occurred... I have managed to finally finish that horrid class with an A! Hallelujah!!

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

I did skeedaddle (how in the world do you spell that? You know what I mean, right? Just sound it out.) on out of there so that I could not be grilled by my research friends.

I decided it was in the best interest of my precarious A to not don my hooded cape, torch, and pitchfork and head to Tech. So, being the extremely brave, confident, and supportive person I am, I beat it out of there before I could be asked to join the lynch mob!

Good luck, Ladies and Gentlemen... I really hope some good comes of your complaints. I support you in spirit and I agree wholeheartedly, anonymously, with you. Sorry I don't have more guts!

Oliver Benjamin

Precious little Ollie arrived at 12:08 p.m. yesterday, April 28. He was 6 pounds and 10 ounces and I didn't catch how long he was! He is doing just great and he is too precious for words! He is so tiny! You know how people always say, "I can't remember my babies ever being this small"? Well, I really can't because both of my babies were almost two pounds bigger than he was when they were born! When I picked him up yesterday, he felt like a little feather! He has reddish hair and his eyes look blue right now and he is just delicious!

Mommy is doing well, but she was feeling a little sick yesterday so I didn't get to see her. She was in recovery most of the time we were there. I can't wait to go back and visit today! I think I'd probably move in with them if they'd let me just so I can snuggle that baby any time I want. Of course, Matthew and my own children might not like that much.

Well, Evan might move in with us. He is so excited and he cannot wait to get to meet Oliver today! He loves babies. He is so sweet with them.

Did I mention he was just precious?

_______________________________________

Did I also mention how glad I was that I had little Oliver's picture in my mind when I sat through that class last night?

I don't want to spoil the joy, but let's just say that after we had been held us over 45 minutes late to review for our huge test of which we managed to get through only 3 of the 15 handouts that she gave us, she went to her car to get the rest of the papers to hand back. And when she returned she announced that she had put the wrong box in her car so that she only had one box of papers (which had 3 in them) and the other box was papers to be shredded. Let's also just say that this was after she pretty much chewed us out about how horrible our papers were and said that there was not one single person in the room who did not have corrections to make. And let's also say that I talked to four other people last night who had gotten their papers back earlier in the week because they drove to meet her and their grades were: 26, 24, 28, and 31.... F, F, F, and F! Let's also say they were in tears. And just for good measure, we'll say that I have to wait around and meet her later today (cutting into my time with little Oliver) to get my paper. And finally, let's just say that when I asked her if she remembered anything about my paper... she said she didn't remember anything big, but she just couldn't remember because it had been so long since she had graded it? What?! Couldn't have been that long since she didn't have it graded last Tuesday! And you'd think that if mine were the bright and shining star in this sea of sub par papers it would stand out in her mind a little bit. Which leads me to believe the worst. But I guess I'll know this afternoon. That is if she remembers and if she actually brings my paper and not a box of things to be shredded.

Oh, and let's also say that there is a plan in the working for an angry lynch mob to storm the Instructional Leadership office at Tech with papers in hand and complaints on the tongue.... not that it will do any good... but at least we will feel better.

UPDATE: My professor just called me. She said she pulled up my rubric last night and I have an A. She said that I got 98 points. She did say I had some things I would need to change in Chapter 3... but that I could just make the corrections before next semester.

I am so relieved!

But, I also feel a little uncomfortable going back to class next week. I guess that will teach me not to get in such an uproar until I know for sure.

Maybe she was more fair than I thought. I guess I won't be joining the lynch mob.

But, I do feel sorry for the others in my class because I don't feel like we had proper guidance or explanation and had I not already had a research class, I'm sure I would have been in the same situation as them.

Anyway... this is OFFICIALLY the last post about this at least until next summer. Seriously. I really mean it this time. And believe it or not, I've really spared you a lot of detail that I could have gone into...

Are you still there?

Time to celebrate!! I think this calls for a trip to see Oliver! Have I mentioned that he is too precious? Did I tell you that I've checked my blog at least 10 times since I first posted this just to look at his picture?

Easy as ABC!

First of all, I just want to say how very grateful I am for my family, my job (both the one I have currently and the one I have waiting for me), my friends, my health and the health of my loved ones, and all of the thousands of other blessings in my life.

Second of all, I want to assure you that I remember what is important in my life and that this research class and paper are not it....... but it reeeeeaaallllly stiiiiiiiiinks! WAAAAAHHHH!

You may be wondering why I bolded and italicized "first of all" and "second of all". It's because the other day when I was dropping the kids off at my parents house, all of the adults were talking and Evan was trying to be heard over us and we were ignoring him... until he said,

"First of all, when I am talking you need to listen to what I'm saying, and second of all, I said, I wanted to play my computer games.... NOW!"

I have no idea, where he comes up with this stuff... either the sass.... or the vocabulary...

Anyway, I thought it was both cute and intelligent.... and completely disrespectful at the same time. I feel I am constantly torn in that way with him.

Back to the class from you know where. I'll make this brief, I promise. I know you are so sick of hearing about it.

This morning, I was talking to Matthew and I said, "You know, I think this professor is trying to teach us the same way she was taught when she was getting her doctorate degree..." And before I could finish, Matthew said,

"Uuuuuugh! NO MORE about this class! I had a dream last night about you telling me about this class and it went ON and ON and ON!"

Thanks for being supportive, honey. I can always count on you :).

But, seriously, I'm sure most of you feel the same way. I do hope you are not dreaming about it, though. If you just can't take anymore, feel free to scroll down to the bottom of the page for another Evan-ism. I won't be offended, I promise. At least I won't be very offended. I mean, I'll get over it. Ok, ok, you're right... I'll never even know.

Ok, so I did not get my paper back last night. She had not graded it yet. She had some people's graded and handed them back. She had some people who she told they had to fix a lot of stuff before she would grade it. And then she had not started on some people's at all, yet (like mine).

Two people shared both their grade and feedback with me. I consider these two people to be of average or above average intelligence. Both are grounded, ambitious, hard-working, conscientious students. I know both put considerable time and effort into their papers. One got a 61 on his paper and the other got a 74 on hers. Both of their papers had writing, tons of it, between the lines, in the margins... all over every page of their papers.

I'm sorry. I don't see how anyone can turn in a 40-50 page paper on a topic that is remotely legible and coherent and meets the requirement you set forth for the number of sources and such and then you give them an D on the paper. That is incomprehensible to me! If you write a 40-50 page paper, the minimum grade you should start out with is a C in my opinion and it should only go up from there (unless, of course, you cheated or something)!

Oh..... My..... God! I feel like this is a nightmare!

Here's the thing... you can make the numerous corrections that she wants made and resubmit it. But you have to accept an incomplete for the class and then when she gets it regraded she will give you a grade for the class. You must receive a grade for this class before you are allowed to begin the next class (which starts this summer). I must complete the next class (this summer) in order to graduate. I must graduate this summer in order to begin my Ed.S. in the fall.

She is seriously messing with my plan! But, if I don't make at least a C on this paper, I will have to redo it because you have to get at least a C to take the next class anyway. But, this is not to mention how extremely angry I will be if I don't get at least a stinkin' C on this paper!!! I don't believe I have ever even made a C on a paper period... in my entire life. Writing is kind of my thing. But, I'm preparing myself for it, because with the other two grades I saw, I'm sure it is coming.

Looks like perhaps this may be yet another time when I must learn that I do not always get to make the plans.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

I'm trying, Lord, I really am, but this class is not making me feel very Christian-like.

By the way, the poor girl who got the 74. She was also just notified that she will not be hired back at her job next year. This was her tenure year at her school. They refused to give her a reason, just said it was their prerogative. They did tell her it was not due to her teaching, though. They told her they knew she was a good teacher and a hard worker. Nice.

Well, the professor gave her her paper back at the beginning of class, but she did not have her rubric with the grade printed off yet. She told her as she handed her paper back, "Yours was one of the better papers. I can tell you really worked hard on it. You may want to correct it for a higher grade, but it's just some minor corrections." She told me later that the way her life was going that probably meant she would get a big fat 75... you did a good job, you worked hard, but...

She was close, it was a 74. That is a C in the college world, at least. One of the better papers... a C? What kind of expectations does this woman have?

I waited around for Abby after class to find out her grade, but it was taking forever because first she was showing three other people what they needed to redo before she would grade their papers. We had already been held an hour after our class was supposed to get out, so I went on. I texted her later to find out her grade. Our interaction went like this:

Me: Did you get your grade (I don't know how to put punctuation in text, is it possible?)
Abby: Yeah, a big fat 74
Me: OMG (except it looked like Omg, I don't know how to capitalize anything other than the first letter either, is that possible? But I think she got the message.)

We did have a great class last night though, she went back over the famous childbirth analogy one more time just in case we had forgotten it... and added at the end,

"The only difference is I would have another child, but I would never take another research class."

Hmmm, sounds familiar. I wonder if she reads my blog. That might not be good for my grade.

And then we spent roughly 3 hours talking about and solving various statistical formulas (even though she says we won't ever have to solve any formulas).

I can't tell you anything about what we did last night except that we learned a lot of letters... I just thought I knew my abc's. Last night I learned about

t-tests (one- tailed and two- tailed)
p value
F value
F critical
r coefficient (or something like that )
and there was a capital R, too, but I don't remember....

Let's see there was also x and x-bar and S, S1, S2 and sometimes Ss or Sx and there's n, I don't want to forget n... and there were even some greek letters, but I don't think my computer makes those.

Easy as A, B, C!

And to end on a lighter night, Evan knows his a, b, c's too. Matthew told me that last night he and Evan sat down to play Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? on the computer (this game has totally kicked Matthew's butt, by the way, he said "We are out of clues and that chick is nowhere to be found! I'm 35 years old and I have 3 college degrees, I should be able to figure out where she is!" LOL)... Anyway, Evan was typing his name in and he typed it wrong... he said,

"Whoops, Dad, (embarrassed chuckle), I typed "E S U"! That's not my name! That's grandmother's name, "Lou"!

Easy as A, B, C! Maybe he was spelling her name in Greek.

Ok, so that wasn't brief, was it? I guess, I lied, again. Sorry. I don't think I like what this class is turning me into.

An Important Job

Yesterday I was doing laundry and I could hear Evan running all over the house making his web slinging sound effects and other such noises. All of a sudden he ran into the laundry room where I was standing and struck a pose with his hands out to the side (you might picture a tennis player in the "ready" position, but with his hands out) and said super casually:

"My job is to protect the world from evil, Mom"

And then as quickly as he had arrived he took off again without another word, resuming his sound effects as he continued the never-ending job of a super hero.

Well, someone's got to do it, I guess. Might as well be him.

And if Evan's job is to protect the world from evil, then my professor's job is apparently to protect the world from subpar research. And, ahem, apparently she takes her job extremely seriously. I always did love a person who was committed to the task at hand.

Yes, I am referring to that professor from that class. Yes, I know I promised no more stinkin' research paper posts until this summer. Yes, I know I lied. I'll pray for forgiveness.

This is the e-mail I found in my inbox this morning. And in case you really think I am totally exaggerating or dramatizing this lady's level of task commitment I'm copying and pasting the e-mail. I don't recommend clicking on the links, though, unless of course you have a burning desire to make sure you can write a research paper correctly.

Attached you will find the Quickmarks abbreviations that may be used in feedback on your papers. Grading is slow . It is time consuming to make notes about APA formatting that has not been used properly in citations and in formatting the paper. The following Nuts and Bolts link came from a quick Google search. It's 26 pages. If you are one who has not been diligent in formatting your paper--print these 26 pages and bring them with you to class. Start formatting your paper properly. http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/apa.html <http://nutsandbolts.washcoll.edu/apa.html> for Nuts and Bolts of College Writing 26 pages

The second major problem creating extensive grading time is failure to include the detail elements specifically stated to be included in the reporting on the research based article. If you did not include these elements be prepared to do so. The Review of Literature is 32 of the 100 possible points. [Rubric Page 2, Review of LIterature, section, in bold and beginning with Forparagraphs/pages of detail above include such topics/aspects as problem, hypotheses, procedures, instruments, populations, variables, design, faults, sttistical mehtods, results, discussion, and conclusions] The following link is from a quick Google search on how to include statistics in APA format. Everyone needs to print this page and bring it to our next classes. You will also find this a useful reference for next semester. http://my.ilstu.edu/~mshesso/apa_stats_format.html <http://my.ilstu.edu/~mshesso/apa_stats_format.html> for Reporting Statistics in APA format

I will see you Tuesday.

Unfortunately everyone who submitted their paper in both paper and electronic format on the initial due date will not have their graded paper back.

I'll see you all Tuesday.

Oh joy! I can't wait.

Do I detect a tone of irritation in her e-mail?

And I have no idea if I'm one of the people to which she is referring. I thought I was being diligent.... And, per her specific instructions in class the Tuesday before the paper was due, (you know in like the whole 5 minutes she even mentioned the paper that night) I did not include all of the detail mentioned above for all of my research articles. I only included it for the ones that were most relevant to my topic of study or the ones specifically on looping. The others on middle school achievement and reading at the middle school level, etc, I basically just summarized the results of the study. And the thing is that we specifically asked her about this and we specifically pointed out where it stated in the rubric to include all that information and she specifically said you do not need all of that information for every article. Give me a break! My Lit. Review is already 31 freakin' pages! GRRRRR!!!!

What stage of labor would you compare this to? I don't have any idea! Recovering from the episiotomy, maybe?

Just pretend I never said that. Seriously.

Whew!

I can't describe the weight that literally and figuratively lifted from my shoulders, or the one carrying the bag with that heavy binder of articles and that 56 page paper in it, last night when I turned that puppy in! Woo-hoo! I felt like dancing around that room!

It didn't even bring me down when my professor continued her lecture on data analysis and showed us a drawing of a 3-dimensional normal curve and took 20 minutes to point out the similarities to a mammogram. Seriously.

I practically skipped all the way to my car! I am so relieved! We do still have that big test coming up in a few weeks, but I don't even care. I might care later, but not right now... I am elated!

And I know my family will be happy to have me back as well.... you know, the me without the fried brain... the one that is able to drive to the store in her home town without getting lost and is capable of cooking frozen rolls for dinner.

Well, I'm able to do those things most of the time, anyway. Hey, nobody's perfect!

Thanks for following me on this experience, I'm sure my readers, if I have any left will be glad to move past the my stinkin' research paper posts and disgusting labor analogies and onto something more interesting as well!

Can I just get a Woot! Woot!?

Woot! Woot!

Yippee, Yay!

This will officially be the last post with the label "my stinkin' research paper".... at least until this summer, when I have to complete the data analysis and chapters 4 and 5.

Just think of it as something to look forward to. Like a sequel. Or like Paul Harvey's, "The Rest of the Story."

You didn't think I would just leave you hanging, and not tell you the results of my Earth shattering research, did you? I would never be that cruel. I know all of you are waiting with baited breath....

Just a few more short months, I promise.

P.S. I did feel slightly sorry for my professor when she pulled out this little bitty tub to put all of our stuff in and then when we had finished turning it in, it was overflowing and stacked all around the front of the room. I have no clue how she was going to get it to her car, but perhaps next semester, she will not ask her students to turn in their 15 100+ page research articles. Lesson learned.

Tops for the Week and a Special Announcement

A Big Announcement

Proudly announcing the arrival completion of...

The Impact of Looping on Reading Achievement in the Middle Grades

on April 6, 2009 at 2:04 a.m.

3 Chapters, 55 pages long.

Proud parent, Amanda R. __________ from Tennessee Technological University

delivered naturally at home, with absolutely no pain relief, by Dr. G.H. (whom I can't say I would personally recommend, she is very nice, but tends to overreact a bit causing undue stress to first-time moms).


That's right!!!! The main body of my paper is FINISHED! I still have to do the table of contents and abstract, and a bunch of proofreading, but if we were to stick with disgusting labor analogies, I would compare that to the delivery of the placenta..... the rest of it hurt so much and you're so excited it's over that you barely even notice. Sorry, I just couldn't resist one more disgusting labor analogy.

Seriously, though, the 3 hours of pushing and vacuum extraction I endured after my epidural wore off with Evan were a piece of cake compared to this last week. I'd go through that again any day of the week if I could avoid ever having to write another one of these. Besides, the reward at the end of actual labor is infinitely more adorable.

P.S. I did not register, this being my third baby and all, but if you are just dying to get me a gift... wine and a day at the spa would always be appreciated!

____________________________________
Other Top Moments of the Week
(yes, I did manage to take a few pictures this week on breaks)

Matthew and Evan spent almost all day outside on Saturday, working and playing. Chloe joined them in between her naps while I worked on my paper. I did quit early on Saturday and we had a nice cookout with my mom and Lynn and Grandaddy Ben. It was a much needed and very nice break. I also went to sleep at 9:00 that night, aaahh!

Evan and Matthew played some baseball, Sunday evening. I just realized that Evan is wearing the same shirt... um, I'm not sure what that is all about. I don't think I had any part in dressing him this weekend.

The Lady in Red

I hate my flash on my camera! The flash makes the pictures look horrible, but without it the pictures turn out blurry! Oh well, I may hate the flash, but I love Chloe in this red bow, orange nose and all!


Apparently Chloe's feeling are not mutual.


Top Evan-isms of the Week

Matthew and Evan were fighting (big surprise) and Matthew said, "You mess with the bull, you get the horns!". Evan thought that was hilarious, but a few minutes later he put his own spin on it: "You mess with 'piderman, you get the 'pider!"

When Matthew was taking Evan up for his nap on Saturday, Evan said, "When we get upstairs, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson, mister!"

A Few Sweet Evan-isms

Evan was cuddling on the bed with me and Matthew was trying to get him to do something. He said, "I just love Mommy so much, I can't move!"

Evan wanted me to pretend to be Aunt May from Spiderman. He came running in and said, "The green goblin's after us!", I said, "Oh, no! Save me Spiderman!". He ran up and hugged me and said, "As long as I'm hugging you, I don't even care!"

A Farewell Message from Chloe from This Morning

(don't forget to pause the music at the very bottom of the page)

Chapter 2 Complete!

Chloe woke up at 6:00 this morning. That means I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night :(.

But, the good news is that Chapter 2, the Review of Literature is complete!!! Whoo-hoo! I also went ahead and did the reference page. I'm going to work on putting the articles into my GIANT 3-ring binder (I started thinking... how is she going to lug 17 of these to her car? Ridiculous!) because it doesn't require much brain power and then I'm done for the day. I'm taking tonight off to enjoy dinner, watch a movie with my hubby, and go to bed at a decent hour!

Chapters 1 and 2 complete.

1 chapter to go.

45 1/4 pages.

3 more days

"Stinkin" Status Update

Well, kiddos by myself today + short naps for Chloe + no nap for Evan + Great-uncle's memorial service tonight = Only 4 1/2 more pages completed tonight.

But, the end of the literature review is in sight. Only 6-8 more research studies to summarize (I'm not sure how many of them I'm actually going to use), YAY! And these are shorter than some of the previous ones and they are not directly related to my topic so I don't have to include as much detail as I did in some of the others.

I plan on having my literature review finished tomorrow, working on chapter 3 on Sunday (would love to get it done, but it might carry over to Monday), completing my reference page on Monday and hopefully putting all the stinkin' reasearch articles in the stinkin' notebook (but that may have to be worked on some at school), and doing final proofreading at work on Tuesday... and then......

Turn it in! And be done!

35 1/2 pages complete.

4 More Days

But for now, it's 2:34 a.m. I must sleep. Evan will most likely wake up by 7. Matthew might let me sleep in until Chloe wakes up.. oh please let her sleep late... but since she went to bed at 6:30 tonight, I kind of think she'll be up by 7, too.

Eyes are blurry. Can't see the letters on the screen clearly.

Must sleep.

4 More Days, 4 More Days, 4 More Days......

Status Update.. 1 1/2 More Chapters to Go!

I have completed chapter 1 of my paper. I am about 1/2, maybe 2/3 of the way finished with my Review of Literature (chapter 2), which is the largest section of the paper. One more chapter to go after that! So far, I have 31 pages completed.

5 days to go.

I'm telling you, my brain is FRIED! I go to sleep thinking about this darn thing, dream about it all night, and I wake up thinking about it as well. I cannot WAIT until it is FINISHED!

Yesterday, Emily posted on Facebook that she had finished her comps and that she had 27 more hours to go until she got her Ed.S. Well, first I panicked that I had missed my comps and then realized that I am not graduating until August and she is graduating in May and therefore I will take mine this summer. Then I was really stumped as to how in the world she got finished with her Ed.S. so quickly because I thought she meant she would have her Ed. S. degree literally in 27 hours.. like in a day and 3 hours instead of 27 more hours of credit and then she would have it. I knew she had just started taking classes toward it and I thought she was finishing her Masters in May, but then I started thinking maybe I had missed something (like a whole year of life) and she was graduating with her Ed.S. in May. And then I puzzled over why she would be awarded the degree at the first of April when the semester is not over until May... did all of her classes end early?

And I did not figure it out until this morning. I'm telling you, my brain is fried.

I cannot do simple math. I know my students think I'm a complete and total idiot when I'm trying to show them how to do math problems.

I can't remember where I'm going half the time.

Yesterday, I was driving to the store, the store I go to all the time in the town that I have lived in for 26 years or so on the road I've driven literally millions of times and all of a sudden I thought, "I've driven right past Food City!" And I turned around and headed back the other way and then realized, I had not driven past it at all. I had not even gotten to it, yet.

Fried.

At work, I feel like I enter into another world and I lose track of time and everything else going on around me. If it weren't for an occasional student dropping in, I'd really be in trouble, I'm afraid. I might lose track of time and be there until midnight. My clock on my computer at work did not automatically update with Daylight Savings time and so I have been adjusting the time in my head (usually something I can do just fine). Well, today I looked at the clock and it said 9:15 (which is really 10:15) and I all of a sudden, jumped up and grabbed my stuff to go to lunch because I had meant to leave at 11 ;) so that I could be back by 11:30 because I had to proctor a test. I was at my office door with my keys in my hand when I realized I still had 45 more minutes. I honestly don't know what I was thinking.

I also turned the oven on to preheat for dinner tonight and just bumped the temperature up a little so it would stay on, planning to look at the rolls to see what it was supposed to be set on. But I never looked at the bag, just put the rolls on the pan and into the oven. When they were supposed to be done 15 minutes later and I checked and they were barely thawed, I realized the oven was set on 270.

Fried. Seriously. It's dangerous.

I'm also very tired, from staying up too late. My eyes hurt because I'm pretty sure my glasses prescription needs to be adjusted, my back and neck are stiff from staring at the computer and I actually have pressure sores on both my wrists where they rest on the desk while I type.

I'm also pretty cranky and I feel guilty because my children's voices grate on my nerves and interrupt my thoughts of looping and academic achievement. And although I am really trying not to take it out on them, I feel like I've been very snappy with Evan and impatient with Chloe when she slings chicken and carrots all over me and snippy to Matthew.

I hate that this is affecting me so much and that I'm so absorbed in it, I really HATE it. But....

5 More Days and it will all be over! One way or another.

P.S. If this makes absolutely no sense and is full of horrific spelling, grammatical, and typing errors, I apologize. Did I mention my brain is FRIED?

God is good.... All the time!

So, last night I headed off to class after working ALL DAY LONG on my stinkin' research paper and only having added one, one measly little paragraph and 5 definitions to it. Most of my day was spent weeding through two, two (out of about 20) research studies which together equaled 423 pages and trying to highlight the information that I needed to summarize, in my own words, in my paper about them. And I didn't even get the summaries of those two articles written. Oh, no, just highlighted and sitting on top of the 8 files folders of research on my desk in front of me to start this morning. Believe it or not, I was feeling pretty good as I drove to class though. I felt organized. I felt like I had a plan. I felt like the paper was able to be accomplished.

Then I arrived in class. It started with a note on the door saying our professor was going to be late, but would be there and to please wait. Well, that was probably not good. That gave the 17 of us in the class time to talk before she arrived. The more we talked, the more I realized there was a lot of parts of that paper that I still really had no idea how to write. For example, I still had no idea what statistical analysis needed to be ran on my particular type of data (or how to find out). I didn't have the reliability or validity for my assessment (but she was supposed to send that to us because apparently TCAP is not found in the Mental Measurements Yearbook), there was some definite confusion about how to arrange our review of literature because it seems she had told several people different things and the rubric said something else different, I wasn't real clear on how much information needed to be included in several of the sections, and the big thing that dawned on me... I got all of my research from online databases through Tech's library and I had assumed I would just reference the things the same way I would a printed article, but apparently some other students had asked about this and were told that we had to provide the URL address for each of those articles. Um, I don't have this information. And it took me weeks to even find them all. I'm still waiting on Tech to mail me two articles that I could not find the full text of online. It would take me a long time to go back and look all the URLs up again. It was already going to take long enough just to punch holes in all of the articles and put them in a stinking 3-ring binder to turn into her. I began to feel sick to my stomach. This is not one of those professors who just checks your name off if you turn a paper in, either. I was pretty darn sure she was going to grade them. And the reference section was worth quite a few points. I was still feeling sick, but trying not to get stressed out about it and trying to decide whether or not I was going to ask her about it (I had a page from the APA manual that clearly said if the electronic version is identical to the print version, you do not have to include the URL, so I thought I might could argue my case) or not ask her and just see what happened, when she arrived.

As reassuring as always, she flew into the room in a big panic, all in a big way about how behind we were in covering the material for the exam and that she knew we probably had questions about our paper because she knew there were probably certain things in our paper that were causing us "gut wrenching terror" so she wanted to give us some time before the break to ask our questions. I thought back about her analogy of the research class to pregnancy and childbirth and decided this must be what is referred to as transition. Many women vomit during transition. Luckily, I never did with either of my kids. Unfortunately, I have a feeling the poor woman next to me did... a few minutes into class, she turned white as a sheet and had to leave because she was sick. She never came back. Anyway, I digress, the only good thing about transition is that it is the quickest phase of labor and it means that it is almost time to push which means it is almost over. I think "pushing" will definitely describe what the rest of this week will be like. Ok, enough disgusting labor analogies, I'll leave those to my professor.

So, she then began talking about data collection, how we will organize it into a spreadsheet. Each time she said we would "tell Excel" to do something she did a little click of her tongue. If only it were that easy, but last time I checked, Excel did not respond to voice commands and I have no clue how to "tell" it how to make a histogram or whatever the heck else. She taught us about measures of central tendency, frequency polygons, stem and leaf displays, positive and negative skews, measures of spread or dispersion, measures of relative position, and measures of relationship. She drew numerous drawings on the board and we analyzed a chart of men's shoe sizes for 30 minutes. She spent another 30 minutes talking to us about properties of the mean, specifically, that the sum of the difference from raw score to the mean is zero (don't worry, I don't know what that means, either), and then spent a lot of time demonstrating this with about seven other numbers that we knew were not the mean to show us that if you use a number that is not the mean it won't equal zero. I still don't understand why that is even important. And another interesting thing, we don't actually do any of this data analysis in our paper that is due next week. All the data analysis is for the second part of our paper which we will turn in next semester. I mean, it will be on our test. But we have four more classes after our paper is due next week before our test. Couldn't we maybe, just maybe spend this one teeny tiny little class talking about our paper and how none of us know what the heck we are doing to complete it? Just maybe?

Apparently not. The time for our class to be over, 7:50 (Central Time), came and went. Maybe she thought since she was late, she would make it up to us, I don't know. At 8:00, she said, "I want to show you this one more thing that we are going to look at next week before you go." At 8:15, she said, we'll also take a look at this next week.... At 8:20, she ended class. We never had an opportunity to ask any questions. I sat there dumbfounded. I could feel my face was hot. Most people left, thoroughly disgusted. Maybe it was because they were in transition, maybe they were just tired. About 3 of us stayed. I was the second person to get to ask my questions. I tried to prioritize what I really needed to know and what I could possibly figure out on my own. I decided I really needed to know what type of statistical test I needed to run and that that was also what I was least likely to figure out on my own. It took her 30 minutes to explain it. She did draw me a nice picture I could take with me, though. I left class at 8:55 (Central Time), 9:55 my time. I felt sick. Transition. I was almost in tears when I got to my car. I was stressed.

But then, I began to think about what really mattered. In six days, one way or another, this paper will be over for me. I will get it done (I always do). I will turn it in. I may not make an A, but whether I make an A or a C, it doesn't really matter. I will graduate. I will get my Masters degree. It is such a minor upset in my life. It is so temporary. It is so small. It is so petty.

Not like, for example, my uncle, Ray. Ray, who has suffered with diabetes since childhood. Who lost nearly all of his kidney function. Who underwent a kidney and pancreas transplant. Who suffered a heart attack at the time of the transplant. Who recovered and returned home and later got a fungal infection in his foot that would not heal. Who had to have his foot and a good part of his leg amputated. Who remained sick even after the amputation. Who got his face sunburned just while sitting on the swing with his granddaughters and got an infection from it. Who is back in the hospital and very sick. Who had another heart attack in the hospital. Who underwent an heart cath and had stints placed. And who is still gravely ill. Not like Ray. Or his dear, sweet family.

Or not like my great-uncle Hershel who has been suffering and bed-ridden for several months now, but still trying to live the best he can. Still laughing and joking with his family. Who decided, with his family, that they would not place him back on the ventilator after his last heart attack. Who went home with hospice care, knowing that there was nothing more to be done. Who passed away yesterday afternoon and went to be with the Lord after a long and blessed life. Who left a grieving family behind. Not like him. Not like his wife who has lost her life partner and is herself confined to a wheelchair due to osteoporosis. Not like his daughter, his only child, who was his caregiver. Not like my grandfather who lost his only living brother yesterday. Not like them.

And not like Stellan who is so precious and innocent and suffering in a hospital. Not like his mother who is by his side around the clock. Or his dad who is at home caring for their three other small children. Or his siblings who are missing their mommy. Not like them.

Not like Angie, who lost her precious daughter a year ago. Who carried her, knowing she would not live. Who turned her baby over to God and celebrated her short life, the months in her womb, and the minutes in her arms. Who allowed God to use her daughter's short life and death for His glory. Not like her.

Not like Savannah and her family who have faced Cancer for the last year, yet choose to bless others with their faith.

Not like Hannah and her family who face her brain tumor, yet choose to find ways to help others in the midst of their trial.

Not like a sweet family at our church whose beautiful, precious baby underwent surgery for a brain tumor two weeks ago.

Not like countless, thousands of others around this world who are facing life-altering situations every second of the day.

Not like any of them. My stress is so small, so tiny. But God still recognizes it. He still helps me. He still sustains me. He gave me the clarity to put my problems into perspective and calm down. He provided me with a job where I have some down time to work on my paper (without kids under my feet and turning the computer off on me) and lessened my student load to a point where I have a lot of time to work on it right now. He blessed me with an ability to write, so that part is not a major obstacle for me. God is good.

That is what I thought of as I was driving home last night. That is what I was thanking God for.

Then I arrived at work this morning. I was all set to jump right in and get started on that research paper, but first I wanted to check on little Stellan. And this is what I found. Go ahead, click on it. Watch the slideshow. Read the news story. Let everyone know... God is good. All the time. Amazing.

And I decided to blog about this instead of getting started on my research paper, so

All will know, how great is our God!

No problem is too small or insignificant to Him. He can handle them all. Take it to your Lord in prayer.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20,21

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26

In the Loop

Ok, first of all, I must apologize for the truly depressing week of posts last week. Whew! I was an emotional wreck last week! Thanks for bearing with me. I can't afford therapy, so you guys are it ;).

Anyway, I just wanted to fill you in on my research class from you know where... it is still really really not fun. If I were going to let myself get stressed about it, which I'm not (remember?), I'd tell you that I am oodles of worried over this daggone (how do you spell that, anyway?) 100 question comprehensive final that I have to take at the end of the class. And I'd also tell you that the reason I am oodles of worried over this is that my professor/instructor, whatever she prefers to be called (who actually is an extremely kind and gracious person who gives way more of her time than is really necessary to try to help us and that makes it really hard to not like her) is not doing a very good job of explaining much of anything in a way that makes any sense to me.

I know that possibly a few of my readers went to ETSU for college, and while I think most of you had to take "real" math for your degrees, perhaps a few of you had to take the old Prob and Stats course with me. Well, if you didn't here is how it was designed... about 25 different people taught the course. They could teach it anyway they wanted, but at the end of the course every student enrolled in prob and stats had to take the same final and your final grade could not deviate more than one letter grade from your score on the test. So, if you had an A going into the final and bombed it... the highest you could earn in the class was a D. Vice versa, if you had an F going in and aced it.. the lowest you could earn in the class was a B, but I've never heard of that particular scenario occurring. That is because I have never encountered a student from ETSU who had a professor in that class that was able to teach them in a way that they understood anything. I was really lucky. My professor gave a quiz every single day with points that added up cumulatively. Either she felt really sorry for us, or couldn't add correctly, or was just generally clueless (which judging from her disheveled hair and clothes, I'm guessing it was the last one), but whatever it was, she added the quizzes up cumulatively, but still based our grade on 100 points. So, in other words we had way over 100 points worth of quizzes, but once you got to 90 points you had an A for the class. Therefore, I discovered that I could miss at least one class per week of my Tues./Thurs. class and still carry an A in the class. This probably did not help my preparedness for the final, but honestly from what I was getting out of class, I don't think it really hurt it. If it tells you anything, the final covered 6 chapters of the textbook and we covered 3 in the entire semester in class. So, when the final rolled around I was CLUELESS! I basically went to the library and copied a few old copies of finals that they had, went back to my dorm and spent all night long teaching myself which formulas went with which questions and how to work the problems on those finals. I somehow got an A in the class. I still think it mostly has to do with the fact that most of the prob and stat department cannot do math. But, I learned nothing.

I have two points to the ramble above. First, this class also involves some probability and statistics, of which I know nothing about. And apparently when we will really need that knowledge is next semester when we are supposed to enter our data into an Excel spreadsheet and run some sort of statistical process on it and then analyze it. Unfortunately, next semester's class is an independent study so there is no one to actually show us how to do this (but, I'm not going to allow myself to get stressed out about it). And did I mention that I cannot even make a class roll in Excel without something messing up(that is why I use Word for everything), let alone run an ANOVA or whatever the heck it is called? (But I'm not going to allow myself to get stressed out about it.) The second point, is that the class I am taking is designed very much like the prob and stat class above. Basically, what has happened in the past (from what this professor says) is that 101 different adjunct professors have taught this class on 101 different campuses across the state and everyone designed their own syllabus, requirements, etc. From what I've heard from most of my friends who have taken it prior to this semester is that they basically met two or three times and turned their paper in. Apparently some were allowed to "contrive" their research, some could just include a table with their data, and some didn't even have to produce data at all. Most did not take a final exam. So, I guess in an effort to make the class more consistent, and I'd say to help improve Tech's reputation in the research department, they have decided to try to regulate the class a bit more. So, now all instructors are supposedly required to use the same syllabus, the same rubric for the paper, same handouts to prepare for the exam, and give the same 100 question final exam, all designed by Dr. Larimore who is supposedly the guru of research at Tech and who all grad students know to avoid like the plague. So, fun times. And this change was mandated, allegedly, on January 14, when the semester began January 15. So, my professor, bless her heart, feels totally discombobulated. She is handing out stacks of handouts each class, jumping from topic to topic, drawing tables here and there on the board, and I have no idea what she is talking about. Every once in a while she says "a good multiple choice question would be..." and I write that down quickly, but other than that... no clue. My only saving grace is that I did have a very good research class at ETSU in my undergrad program taught by Dr. Andi Clements (who interestingly enough decided to let God determine the size of their family and announced this to our class. The last I heard she had jumped from 2 to 5 children since then. I wonder.... but I digress) and so I'm hoping and praying I can recall enough to pass the final exam and that our professor has mercy and goes to bat for us (and she seems that she will). Anyway, all this to say, I'm not going to stress about it.

So, last night, just when we thought we were actually going to get out on time for once, as everyone is packing up their stuff after listening to nearly 3 hours of bell curves and random samples and BF Skinner's single subject studies and external variance and internal threats to validity and who knows what else.... she says, "For next week, I'd like you to have your prospectus ready to turn in and present to the class." Um..... huh? I needed Chloe's "Whatcha talkin' about Willis look" on a card to hold up. Immediately people start asking questions. I unpacked and settled back in. Apparently, we should have our introduction, the significance of our study, our problem statements and research questions, and our hypotheses (since I learned that is the plural of hypothesis, she stressed that point) completed and ready to present to class next week. See, in her mind, we should decide what we want to study, then worry about if we can find the data. But, in the real world of education, you are sometimes limited to exactly what data you can get your little hands on. It's not like you can implement an experimental study because the IRB who decides if your study is ethical or not and says whether you have permission to conduct it tends to get their shorts in a wad if you want to experiment on little innocent children. So, you have to look at something post facto (don't I sound intelligent, see I did learn last night, I did), which just means "after the fact". So, you have to find something at your school that has already been implemented and then try to see if you can get your hands on data that has been determined to be reliable and valid by some outside source to study the effects and then you have to look at all the possible flaws in the study such as different student populations, different teaching styles, years of experience, etc. and see if your study would even produce any results that would be valid. Again, fun times. So, all this is to say that I had not officially decided what I was going to study, yet. And all of a sudden I needed to know, and quick. The problem I had was that everything I thought about studying required getting data from other teachers and I just didn't know how cooperative they were going to be about it, especially if they caught on that I was trying to show that someone else's test scores were better than theirs because of something they were doing in the classroom. I was feeling very uneasy about it, thinking that I was going to end up not being able to get my hands on the data I needed and then really being in trouble next semester. And finally last night, as she was drawing yet another table on the board to try to demonstrate how to "maximize experimental variance" whatever that means, it just hit me. The titles of her table were looping/non-looping. Well, my first year at North Middle school I taught 5th grade reading. The next year I was reassigned to 6th grade reading by my principal. Because we have two separate teams of teachers at North, roughly half of the students I had in 6th grade that year had looped (stayed with the same teacher for two consecutive grades, for all you noneducation majors out there) with me. I had a great, mostly random, well-diversified sample right at my finger tips and the data was already in a nice little neat notebook on a shelf in my classroom (at least I hope it is still there, I'm sure it is). So..... the topic of my stinky research paper is .... da, da, da

The effects of looping on reading achievement and I will be looking at differences between high, middle, and low achievement groups (with special ed students included in the low group), gender, and socio-economic status (but I haven't decided exactly how to word that yet).

And to be perfectly honest, I'm not thinking I'm going to find a real significant difference, but we shall see, I guess. Doesn't it sound like fun? I'm so excited to get the results, I can barely contain myself! I bet most of you have already fallen asleep at your computers. I apologize for the keyboard marks that will undoubtedly be ingrained in your face and I hope your drool doesn't damage your computer ;). Ok, ok, don't beg, you can help me and be involved in my Earth shattering research project if you want. I'll let you! But my name has to be listed first when it is published in all the hugely important scholarly journals.

And if I had let myself start to get stressed about it (which, of course I didn't) I would tell you, that I now have a huge weight lifted from my shoulders since I have decided on a topic and know how to actually be able to complete the research on it. (But of course, I wasn't ever stressed because I didn't allow myself to be and so my shoulders feel just as feather-light as ever).

Aye, Yi, Yi!

Ok, sometimes Evan is just too cute for words. Lately, he has been saying Aye, yi, yi! to everything. And he says it with the most adorable little smile (with his dimple showing) and while scratching his head! It's too cute for me to be able to describe adequately. I'd say I'll try to get it on video, but we all know how successful I am at getting video posted on here :(.

But, I have something I have to say Aye, yi, yi! about! It's my stinkin' research class! Not only does it meet EVERY single Tuesday night for the ENTIRE time, but the teacher usually holds us over. Like last night, when we didn't get out until 8:10 CST (that's 9:10 my time) and the class is supposed to get out at 7:50 CST and it was SNOWING! I cannot follow what she's saying, she talks in circles, jumps from subject to subject, and spends the majority of the time talking about how hard this class and paper are going to be. I kid you not that she spent a good 30 minutes last night comparing writing our research project to pregnancy and childbirth! And at the end of the slightly disgusting analogy, she said that she expected we were all feeling a bit of morning sickness right now and that that was normal. She said we should be feeling queasy and nauseous about our paper! She also dropped on us last night that our paper must contain a minimum of 20 sources and that 15 of those (or 75% of however many you use) must be first-person research studies and (here's the kicker, I had expected the other part) that we must PRINT each of these articles off, highlight what we paraphrase in one color and what we direct quote in another color, organize them in a binder in the order in which they appear in our paper, and TURN them in with our paper! A research study could be over 100 pages! One of them! Apparently she caught a student plagiarising last semester and so now she does this. All I have to say about that is...

AYE! YI! YI!