So, while spending the weekend in Pigeon Forge with my very best friends in the whole world and their families.. I shared some of Evan's recent kindergarten drama. When I told them about Evan's name trouble, we all started sharing our own cruel nicknames that we received as children... how funny that almost everyone standing there had one of some kind...
Mine was Rice-a-roni, the San Francisco treat.
My friend Amanda was Amanda Laaaaaaaaaambert (like a lamb sound)
Her husband was Chad Rolin', Rolin' Rowland
My friend Robin was "Tweet, Tweet" like Rockin' Robin
Kids can be so cruel. The sad thing is we all giggled hysterically when we revealed our nicknames. I guess some things you never outgrow.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Healthy Competition?
One night last week Evan started crying after we put him to bed. At first we thought he was just trying to delay bedtime and then when I went up I realized it was much more than that.
His breakdown was over school. And honestly, my heart just broke as I listened to him. Most of his concerns centered around one main theme... he just wasn't as good at anything as another little girl in his class. According to him,
He was the worst reader and the worst at math in the entire class and this little girl was the best... she could already read. (I know he surely is not the worst because I help him with his homework and it is all very basic stuff, but anyway).
He only has 8 good behavior tickets, which will not be enough to buy anything from the prize cart and the other little girl has 23. She has more than she even needs and so she may be able to get two things. (Of course, Evan spent his on handfuls of candy the first few days too. Delayed gratification is not his forte).
When I asked what he needed to do to earn more tickets, he said he had to do everything just like Ms. Fedor says and this other little girl always does everything exactly like Ms. Fedor says. Evan, on the other hand,
sometimes forgets to push his chair under
sometimes accidentally lines up when she calls the person next to him instead of waiting for her to call him
sometimes gets messed up when getting his crayon box
sometimes forgets to keep his bubble in his mouth in the hallway because he laughs at boys making funny faces
And Evan, according to him, has never ever gotten a Wow Work and the other little girl gets one every time. It took me a good 20 minutes to get a grasp on what I think a Wow Work might be. I think it means it gets displayed in the classroom, but I'm still not sure.
Evan told me he really really tried when he colored his person the other day and he really was hoping he would get one, but he didn't because he colored the hands green. But, the other little girl did because "she took her time and colored neatly and added lots of detail". I can just hear the words coming out of his teacher's mouth as she holds the paper up in front of the class. How many times did I do that when I taught young children? Heck, I sometimes do it now with journals. But, as I listened to my little boy cry I realized how it might make some kids feel that try their hardest and can't make theirs look like that.
And this little girl's already lost some teeth and she knows how to tie her shoes.... the list goes on and on.
The worst one was that when he says his whole name, all the other kids laugh at the Tinker part and say it sounds like Tinkerbell. I just wasn't even sure what to say to that one. He's going to hear that his entire life.
I tried to comfort him and reassure him. I told him firmly that he is to do the best he can do and that is all that matters. I told him not to pay any attention to what the other little girl was doing and only worry about himself. I helped him problem solve every situation to try to be more successful at remembering the procedures for his classroom.
I stayed positive and upbeat and listened to his concerns and promised him he could fix them, but my heart was kind of heavy as well. It would be so easy to resent the little girl in question, but I know her and she is a sweetie pie and I really like her family as well. And she does deserve all the praise. I was certain of that. She is a little older than most of the kids. I think she is very close to turning 6 right now and she is very advanced (I ran into her family this time last year buying new shoes because she had just learned to tie them) and I'm sure her coloring is just wonderful.
But, I really wish that the praise could be spread around just a little bit. I want my little boy to feel successful. I want him to like school. I want him to feel good about himself. He is great in so many ways. Coloring people may not be his strong suit, but he has improved so much in such a short amount of time. I wish he (and his teacher) could know just how wonderful he is. Regardless of whether he's lost any teeth.
Matthew of course wanted me to immediately schedule a conference with the teacher. But, I wanted to wait a little bit. For one thing, Matthew needed to cool down:). For another, as much as it hurts, Evan is going to face competition his entire life. I want him to learn how to handle it. If he doesn't like being down on the list, he's going to have to learn how to step up his game. Or he's going to have to accept that all people are good at different things (and occasionally there are those few who are good at absolutely everything). It was eye opening when Matthew mentioned to a teacher here at school (who's daughter is also in Evan's class) some of what Evan had said, and she said her daughter says the same things!
Why did she have to have brown hair, why couldn't she have blonde hair like the other little girl? Why can't she dance as well as the other little girl? And so on.
And so, painfully, I 've decided to give it a little time and see what happens. I'm hoping Evan begins to adjust a little better and feels some success and maybe things will even out a little bit. If not, I'm worried about a mutiny on the playground for this little girl, even if it is not her fault. I mean it is only a matter of time before the regular kids band together and take her down! Just kidding of course, I would never, ever condone such behavior.
But the thought might have crossed my mind when Evan casually mentioned that the other little girl's favorite song was Jolee and so they sang it in music class on Friday. And she can sing it really well. And the teacher said they should put her on stage.
Really? Jolee for kindergarten music class? Really?
I might just send Evan in with his guitar next Friday and tell him to sing his favorite song... I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty... I think they'll like the part that says "You can stand me up at the gates of hell and I won't back down."
No, seriously, I'm kidding. Mostly. I mean, I'm completely kidding about anything mean-spirited having to do with the other little girl. She really is a sweetie. But... still... it's hard to be a parent sometimes.
Matthew did tell me when I was packing up his backpack the other night to slip $20 in an envelope with a note that says, "Pick my kid's work for a Wow Work and there will be more where this came from."
I'm thinking more along the lines of a dead fish in his backpack. My kid gets a Wow Work or you sleep with the fishes. Don't mess with me, I was once obsessed with the Godfather movies.
One day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.....
His breakdown was over school. And honestly, my heart just broke as I listened to him. Most of his concerns centered around one main theme... he just wasn't as good at anything as another little girl in his class. According to him,
He was the worst reader and the worst at math in the entire class and this little girl was the best... she could already read. (I know he surely is not the worst because I help him with his homework and it is all very basic stuff, but anyway).
He only has 8 good behavior tickets, which will not be enough to buy anything from the prize cart and the other little girl has 23. She has more than she even needs and so she may be able to get two things. (Of course, Evan spent his on handfuls of candy the first few days too. Delayed gratification is not his forte).
When I asked what he needed to do to earn more tickets, he said he had to do everything just like Ms. Fedor says and this other little girl always does everything exactly like Ms. Fedor says. Evan, on the other hand,
sometimes forgets to push his chair under
sometimes accidentally lines up when she calls the person next to him instead of waiting for her to call him
sometimes gets messed up when getting his crayon box
sometimes forgets to keep his bubble in his mouth in the hallway because he laughs at boys making funny faces
And Evan, according to him, has never ever gotten a Wow Work and the other little girl gets one every time. It took me a good 20 minutes to get a grasp on what I think a Wow Work might be. I think it means it gets displayed in the classroom, but I'm still not sure.
Evan told me he really really tried when he colored his person the other day and he really was hoping he would get one, but he didn't because he colored the hands green. But, the other little girl did because "she took her time and colored neatly and added lots of detail". I can just hear the words coming out of his teacher's mouth as she holds the paper up in front of the class. How many times did I do that when I taught young children? Heck, I sometimes do it now with journals. But, as I listened to my little boy cry I realized how it might make some kids feel that try their hardest and can't make theirs look like that.
And this little girl's already lost some teeth and she knows how to tie her shoes.... the list goes on and on.
The worst one was that when he says his whole name, all the other kids laugh at the Tinker part and say it sounds like Tinkerbell. I just wasn't even sure what to say to that one. He's going to hear that his entire life.
I tried to comfort him and reassure him. I told him firmly that he is to do the best he can do and that is all that matters. I told him not to pay any attention to what the other little girl was doing and only worry about himself. I helped him problem solve every situation to try to be more successful at remembering the procedures for his classroom.
I stayed positive and upbeat and listened to his concerns and promised him he could fix them, but my heart was kind of heavy as well. It would be so easy to resent the little girl in question, but I know her and she is a sweetie pie and I really like her family as well. And she does deserve all the praise. I was certain of that. She is a little older than most of the kids. I think she is very close to turning 6 right now and she is very advanced (I ran into her family this time last year buying new shoes because she had just learned to tie them) and I'm sure her coloring is just wonderful.
But, I really wish that the praise could be spread around just a little bit. I want my little boy to feel successful. I want him to like school. I want him to feel good about himself. He is great in so many ways. Coloring people may not be his strong suit, but he has improved so much in such a short amount of time. I wish he (and his teacher) could know just how wonderful he is. Regardless of whether he's lost any teeth.
Matthew of course wanted me to immediately schedule a conference with the teacher. But, I wanted to wait a little bit. For one thing, Matthew needed to cool down:). For another, as much as it hurts, Evan is going to face competition his entire life. I want him to learn how to handle it. If he doesn't like being down on the list, he's going to have to learn how to step up his game. Or he's going to have to accept that all people are good at different things (and occasionally there are those few who are good at absolutely everything). It was eye opening when Matthew mentioned to a teacher here at school (who's daughter is also in Evan's class) some of what Evan had said, and she said her daughter says the same things!
Why did she have to have brown hair, why couldn't she have blonde hair like the other little girl? Why can't she dance as well as the other little girl? And so on.
And so, painfully, I 've decided to give it a little time and see what happens. I'm hoping Evan begins to adjust a little better and feels some success and maybe things will even out a little bit. If not, I'm worried about a mutiny on the playground for this little girl, even if it is not her fault. I mean it is only a matter of time before the regular kids band together and take her down! Just kidding of course, I would never, ever condone such behavior.
But the thought might have crossed my mind when Evan casually mentioned that the other little girl's favorite song was Jolee and so they sang it in music class on Friday. And she can sing it really well. And the teacher said they should put her on stage.
Really? Jolee for kindergarten music class? Really?
I might just send Evan in with his guitar next Friday and tell him to sing his favorite song... I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty... I think they'll like the part that says "You can stand me up at the gates of hell and I won't back down."
No, seriously, I'm kidding. Mostly. I mean, I'm completely kidding about anything mean-spirited having to do with the other little girl. She really is a sweetie. But... still... it's hard to be a parent sometimes.
Matthew did tell me when I was packing up his backpack the other night to slip $20 in an envelope with a note that says, "Pick my kid's work for a Wow Work and there will be more where this came from."
I'm thinking more along the lines of a dead fish in his backpack. My kid gets a Wow Work or you sleep with the fishes. Don't mess with me, I was once obsessed with the Godfather movies.
One day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.....
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Rumble
As we were driving home from school yesterday, Evan casually mentions, "Mom, this boy in a red shirt almost beat me up on the playground today."
Alarmed, but not wanting to seem alarmed, I casually said, "What do you mean?"
He said, "Well, we were playing and he tried to beat me up."
Me: "Did he hit you?"
Evan: "Well, he kind of pushed me."
Me: "Did you tell the teacher?"
Evan:"Well, I didn't really have time to because we went inside."
Me: "Well, are you sure he pushed you on purpose?"
Evan: "Well, I'm pretty sure because I said, "Bring it on" and then he said, "I'll beat you up" and pushed me."
Me: "Evan! Why on Earth would you say, 'Bring it on!'?!"
Evan: "Well, that's what I always say. I just didn't know he was so mean."
Me: "Don't say that to anyone at school anymore and if he or anyone else hits or pushes you again, tell the teacher. You are not allowed to put your hands on other people at school.And if you say things like 'Bring it on', even if you are just playing you are going to get in trouble for fighting. No fighting, even play fighting, at school."
Evan: "Ok."
Later that evening...
Evan tells his dad roughly the same version of the above story.
Matthew: "Well did you give him a little Tae.... Kwon.... DO?! (doing the punches as he asks)
Evan: (excitedly) "No. Is that what you want me to do next time?!"
Me: "NO! Good grief! He is going to get suspended from kindergarten, for pete's sake!"
Alarmed, but not wanting to seem alarmed, I casually said, "What do you mean?"
He said, "Well, we were playing and he tried to beat me up."
Me: "Did he hit you?"
Evan: "Well, he kind of pushed me."
Me: "Did you tell the teacher?"
Evan:"Well, I didn't really have time to because we went inside."
Me: "Well, are you sure he pushed you on purpose?"
Evan: "Well, I'm pretty sure because I said, "Bring it on" and then he said, "I'll beat you up" and pushed me."
Me: "Evan! Why on Earth would you say, 'Bring it on!'?!"
Evan: "Well, that's what I always say. I just didn't know he was so mean."
Me: "Don't say that to anyone at school anymore and if he or anyone else hits or pushes you again, tell the teacher. You are not allowed to put your hands on other people at school.And if you say things like 'Bring it on', even if you are just playing you are going to get in trouble for fighting. No fighting, even play fighting, at school."
Evan: "Ok."
Later that evening...
Evan tells his dad roughly the same version of the above story.
Matthew: "Well did you give him a little Tae.... Kwon.... DO?! (doing the punches as he asks)
Evan: (excitedly) "No. Is that what you want me to do next time?!"
Me: "NO! Good grief! He is going to get suspended from kindergarten, for pete's sake!"
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Patience
Behold Evan meditating at dinner time in response to my constant nagging to take one cotton picking bite of food for goodness sakes!
No, in all seriousness though. I am in dire need of some patience! I feel as if the universe is conspiring against me to test the limit of my patience in every area imaginable. My children, my students, my technology at school, the lack of technology at school, the copy machine at school, my home phone that mysteriously stops working when I need to be able to be reached, other drivers on the road, trains, red lights, fast food workers, doctors offices, doctors, hospital staff, parents of students... need the list go on?
I know the real problem is me and the fact that I am wound so tightly. I feel like I am about to explode at any minute and I hate that feeling. I really strive to be a very patient and calm person. And it usually comes naturally to me. I'm a worrier and a planner, but I am a silent worrier and planner. In fact, it is my nature to get even more still and quiet the more stress that is placed on me. But, right now I feel like screaming. Of course I don't. Maybe that is my problem.
This is little more than a vent, but when Evan assumed his Buddhist pose at dinner tonight in response to my tense, nagging voice and declared he was meditating and after I saw a student in my class place his fingers in his ears in response to my lecture on putting forth the effort to actually look something up and not just guess and caring enough about their grades and their learning to do the work... I decided I really need to do some soul searching and praying and find some patience.
I still maintain that that student lecture was justified though and the fingers in ears thing was just a typical middle schooler response. I mean, geez, it is only the second week of school! Aren't they supposed to still be afraid of me?
Do they look afraid? No, I think not. It's going to be a very, very long year I'm afraid.
P.S. I only post pictures of my students because I have a private blog, I would not normally plaster the faces of innocent, ahem, cough, stifle laugh, children on the Internet.
Funniest comment this year so far:
Student: Mrs. Tinker, besides hurting our grade and possibly making us fail Reading will anything really bad happen to us if we don't make our AR goal?
Teacher: I'm not sure I understand what you are asking.
Student: Well, will you do anything to us?
Teacher: I'm not going to cut your head off or anything, what do you think I might do?
Student: Well, like fuss at us or something.
Teacher: I expect you to make your AR goal. I will be disappointed if you don't.
Student: Well, I heard rumors last year that you might make us feel bad about ourselves if we don't.
Teacher: Why don't you just try really hard to make it, 'kay?
Student: I'll tryyyy....
Second funniest comment (but kinda not that funny, really):
Student: Mrs. Tinker? Is it alright if I just stop doing my assignment and lay my head down on my desk for the rest of class? I just don't feel very well today.
Teacher: Ummmm, noooooo, you are going to need to do your work.
Third funniest, ok, ok... not really funny at all:
Student: Did that homework I didn't turn in hurt my grade?
Teacher: Well, you got a zero on it.
Student: But will it hurt my grade?
Teacher: Well, you have a zero for a homework grade.
Student: I know. You said that. But I want to know if it will hurt my grade.
Teacher: Well, yes. Zeros usually hurt your grade.
Student: Well, then what can I do to make it up?
Teacher: Unfortunately, nothing at this point. That is why I gave everyone one extra night on the first homework assignment and told you that it was your only chance to change the zero that was recorded in the grade book. You are just going to need to try to make all of your other grades really good to bring it up.
Student: Can't you just drop it?
Teacher: Ummmmm..... noooooo.
And lastly...
Student: I don't know the answers to any of these questions.
Teacher: I know that is why you need to look them up in your materials so that you will know where to find them to study for the test (this is what prompted the lecture).
Student: But, I don't know them. Can I just skip the ones I don't know and wait for you to go over them?
Teacher: Ummmm, nooooo, that is why you are supposed to be using your notes and other materials. To find the answers.
Student: But I don't know the answers.
Teacher: Yes, I know. Look them up.
Student: Why can't you just tell me the answers?
Teacher: Because I want you to find them, so you know where they are in your notes, so you can, you know, actually study.
Student: (throws hands up in frustration and sighs exasperatedly) Well, if you won't even help me, how am I ever supposed to pass a test?!
Teacher: You will pass the test because you study this study guide that you are filling out using your notes and other materials.
Student: Is this a grade?
Teacher: No, but you won't do well on your test if you don't do it.
Student: What happens if we don't finish?
Teacher: Why don't you just try to finish?
Student: But, what if we don't? Is it homework if we don't?
Teacher: walks away and commences to lecture the class
Student: maturely and covertly places his fingers in his ears
Why do I feel like I'm on an episode of Candid Camera half the time this school year? I'm beginning to seriously wonder if they are filming some sort of reality show at my school and paying the students to totally dumbfound me.
hmmmm..... Patience. Second week of school? Really?
I had this Reading teacher, ironically in 6th grade, Coach Bailey. It's a wonder I ever read another book again. Seriously. The only literature related thing I remember doing out of that class was reading Casey at Bat from a basal reader. I think I only remember that because he was actually somewhat interested in it because it was about baseball. What I remember most is that he was by far the most wound up, nervous person I'd ever seen in my life! I had him for 1st period. The reason this sticks in my mind is that I couldn't fathom how he could possibly have such humongous sweat rings under his arms by 1st period. Seriously. And then there were the Certs. The man must have bought them by the case because he would pop them one right after the other into his mouth like a chain smoker. Pop one in, take it out and throw in the garbage can with a clang (that's right he didn't even eat it all) and then pop another one in. I think most of his stress was related to football (I mean, is there anything more important?), but I remember thinking he was never going to survive football season without a heart attack. And that is what I remember from 6th grade reading... that and the fact that every Monday he would ask someone if they went to church and what the preacher preached on and then would say that he remembered what his preacher preached on... sin and how he was against it! And then giggle. Ahhh, quality educational experiences.
Lord, please grant me some cotton picking patience so that my students remember my love of literature and all of the wisdom I impart to them and not how nervous and wound up I was or how I popped Orbit gum like a chain smoker out of nervousness (I won't even mention sweat rings, please let's not have any of those). And if you don't mind.... could you hurry that order up? Amen.
The First Day of School
Wednesday was Evan's first day of kindergarten. As you know, he is not a morning person.
See?
But, as soon as I walked in his room he threw the covers back and said, "Is it time to go, yet?" I said, yup. He said, "Yay! It's my very first day of kindergarten!!" And that is the first time I teared up that day.
We went in to wake Chloe up and he excitedly told her it was his first day of school. She was very happy for him as well. He got dressed without an ounce of complaint and happily put his backpack on. He was very impatient as I tried to take a picture before we left.
It was still dark! Chloe was a little taken aback when she realized she would be without her bubba all day. When we got to Granddaddy's to drop her off, she looked over at him and said, "Aren't you going with me, bubba?" That was the second time I teared up that day.
We got to my school and Evan could hardly wait to walk over to kindergarten. He held my hand as we walked through the busy traffic. We entered the elementary school and I looked around, wondering where to go. Someone saw me and recognized the "OMG it's my baby's first day of kindergarten look" immediately. They told us where to go. I took Evan down to his little bus hall and a lady with a clip board stopped me. "Will you be walking him to the classroom today?", she asked cheerfully. I really wanted to say, yes. But, I knew I didn't have time to and get back to my school before my students arrived. So, I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "No." Then I felt like the worst parent on the planet. I'm still kicking myself for that one (even though he was fine, of course). I should have made those sixth graders stand out in the hall! But, I bravely sat Evan down at the table with his teacher's picture on it. I sat him down beside Emery, his future wife. Soon, Mallory from his preschool joined us as well. The three teachers' orphans would be brave together. His teacher arrived and we quickly told our little orphans good-bye and headed to our own classes. He seemed fine. Not even nervous. But that is the third time I teared up that day.
Later that morning I anxiously watched from our middle school make-shift playground as the little kindergarten classes walked onto the elementary school playground. I watched, unnoticed, as my little boy walked so nicely and calmly in the little straight line. I watched his teacher turn them loose and him hesitantly follow his two preschool buddies to play on the jungle gym. And then I walked down that hill to say hi to him. He saw me coming, but didn't run to me. Trying so hard to follow all the rules. He waited patiently until I got to his playground and then he gave me a big hug. I hugged him tight and told him I was so excited for him. He said he was having a great day and then I quickly left again with a smile on my face. I got back in the school and e-mailed Matthew:
"Evan is on the playground right now."
Matthew then went out and watched him play until one of the teachers pointed him out to Evan and then he waved at him. I fought the urge to go eat lunch with Evan that day. I think I might go tomorrow. I am so lucky that his playtime and lunchtime correspond with mine this year! I knew the teachers would be trying to teach them the proper procedures for eating in the cafeteria and I didn't want to interfere.
Finally that afternoon Evan walked over with all the other kids whose moms work at North and the school nurse. I greeted him happily. He was thrilled with his first day of kindergarten. He said he loved it! I opened his backpack and found this inside:
And I teared up for the final time that day. Can't believe my little boy is in kindergarten!
Evan was thrilled but exhausted. He could hardly even keep his head up at dinner that night.
This morning I woke him up for his second day of kindergarten. He did not jump out of the bed, but reluctantly rose. He laid in the floor while I tried to coax him to get dressed.
Finally he said, "Mom when do I get a day off?"
I said, you have to go to school today and the next day and then you will get a day off.
He said, "Thank goodness! Because I need a break!"
He was a little more reluctant when we arrived in bus hall this morning. The lady with the clipboard greeted me again and her tone was just as cheerful, but I smiled as I (the former kindergarten teacher) noticed the subtle meaning to the difference in her question today. "Are you going to allow him to walk to his classroom by himself today?" I happily said, "Yes!" (As if I had a choice) and knew that answer would make her happy today. Kindergarten teachers have the tough job of gently encouraging parents to "cut the cord" so to speak or to put it more bluntly, start getting out of their way so their child can learn to be independent and the teacher can do her job! So, in a strange way I'm glad that I'm a teacher and that forces me to "allow my child to walk to his classroom by himself". It saves me the embarrassment of a fellow teacher having to run me out of the room, because I have a feeling if I had a choice in the matter I'd be that parent carefully labeling his coloring sheet with the correct colors when they are trying to get him to read them himself (yes, I had a parent like that:). I know in the long run independence is best for him and that it will help him to know that I have the confidence in him for him to do it on his own. I am telling him I know he can do it and I do know he can so even though he was a little clingy when we arrived at his table I cheerfully hugged him goodbye, sat him down at his table, and walked away quickly. I stole one little look from the top of the stairs when I knew he couldn't see me and he was sitting at his table happily chatting with Emery. I knew he could do it.
He was a little more reluctant when we arrived in bus hall this morning. The lady with the clipboard greeted me again and her tone was just as cheerful, but I smiled as I (the former kindergarten teacher) noticed the subtle meaning to the difference in her question today. "Are you going to allow him to walk to his classroom by himself today?" I happily said, "Yes!" (As if I had a choice) and knew that answer would make her happy today. Kindergarten teachers have the tough job of gently encouraging parents to "cut the cord" so to speak or to put it more bluntly, start getting out of their way so their child can learn to be independent and the teacher can do her job! So, in a strange way I'm glad that I'm a teacher and that forces me to "allow my child to walk to his classroom by himself". It saves me the embarrassment of a fellow teacher having to run me out of the room, because I have a feeling if I had a choice in the matter I'd be that parent carefully labeling his coloring sheet with the correct colors when they are trying to get him to read them himself (yes, I had a parent like that:). I know in the long run independence is best for him and that it will help him to know that I have the confidence in him for him to do it on his own. I am telling him I know he can do it and I do know he can so even though he was a little clingy when we arrived at his table I cheerfully hugged him goodbye, sat him down at his table, and walked away quickly. I stole one little look from the top of the stairs when I knew he couldn't see me and he was sitting at his table happily chatting with Emery. I knew he could do it.
And this afternoon he was just as thrilled as yesterday and couldn't wait to tell me all about his day. Tomorrow the entire class will be there and he will see his friend Zach. I am so happy he loves his school! I am looking forward to all of the adventures he will have this year!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Twas the Night Before Kindergarten....
and I came home to find my child looking like this. I sure hope "Washable Markers" really means something. I told Evan his teacher was going to think he was crazy.... and she was probably not going to let him use the markers.
And not to be outdone or anything...
What are you looking at?
What? Do I have something on my face?
And what baby-sitter would allow my children to end up looking like this?
Well, Grammy, of course. Grammy doesn't say 'no'.
Ok, ok. Chloe ended up looking like that several days ago when I was in charge of arts and crafts time, not Grammy. I guess I don't say 'no' either. Thank goodness everything is "washable".
Weeeeelllll, mostly washable. Meet Chloe... the mechanic!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Peace
My granddaddy got to come home from the hospital last Tuesday, but by Wednesday night they had to call an ambulance to take him back. Fluid began building around his heart again. He is feeling much better now since they have been able to reduce the fluid again, but unfortunately what they need to do to keep his heart working takes a toll on his kidneys. The cardiologist has been talking to the family alot about a DNR. My granddaddy has not want to hear about it. He says he trusts my mom and uncle to do what is right, but they really can't make this decision for him. I've mentioned before his love of life. He just is not ready to let go and doesn't see himesef being ready anytime soon. Unfortunately, this has made him extremely anxious and that is something that we were not expecting and that has been hard to watch. He doesn't want to be left alone in a room for even a second. If he begins to feel bad he becomes extremely anxious and he feels like he can't breathe without oxygen even though his stats show that he can. It is hard to see him so afraid.
We know that he is not afraid of dying (as far as where he will go). He just doesn't want to. He told us right after his heart attack that the pain was so great that he thought about giving up, but then he decided to fight a little more. And when discussing the DNR, his answer is "I just don't want the heart attack to happen." He loves his life and loves his family and doesn't want to leave. Today a kidney doctor was talking to him (with not the best of news) and as he was leaving, he turned and said, "I'm so sorry that you are facing this, but I guess we all have to at some time." My granddaddy answered, "I hope not." My cousin thought he didn't really understand what was said, but I think he did.
I think he did because about an hour later I was sitting beside him holding his hand and when my mother walked in the restroom, he turned to me and said, "The future doesn't look very bright for me." I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything right away, but he continued. "None of us know our future, but we do know who holds the future. Not any of us know what is going to happen to us and I think that's a good thing. But, if it's my time to go I'm ready. I've lived a good life and I don't reckon I have any regrets."
The tears were running down my face, but he wasn't looking at me anyway. I said, "That is a blessing, to not have any regrets, but it is like you said, we just don't know what will happen."
Shortly after he fell asleep. I watched him sleep, his face drawn but peaceful and I prayed for peace and comfort for him as I watched him sleep. The rest of my visit he seemed to feel pretty good, but every now and then the things he would say sounded like goodbye. He would suddenly stop and give me a piece of advice that sounded urgent. Or he would talk about mistakes he made and lessons he learned. He talked alot about his family and how much he loved all of us. As I was leaving, he said, "Tell Matthew I'm thankful for him and I appreciate him and tell those kids...." He kind of paused and my mom said "to be good?".
He then smiled a little crooked smile and said, "No, don't tell them to be good. Let them be kids. Let them be loud and active. I can't stand to see a kid all moused down. Kids should be free. I love to see them running around and playing and talking, they're beautiful."
I cried almost the entire way home. I don't like to hear him saying goodbye. I don't want to lose him, but I cherish his words. That is why I write them here. I never want to forget and I want my children to know what he thought of them one day. He loves them so much.
He is right, we don't know the future. Even the doctors don't seem to know what we are looking at as far as time, but I'm thankful that he seems more at peace with his unknown future. That is my prayer for him.
We know that he is not afraid of dying (as far as where he will go). He just doesn't want to. He told us right after his heart attack that the pain was so great that he thought about giving up, but then he decided to fight a little more. And when discussing the DNR, his answer is "I just don't want the heart attack to happen." He loves his life and loves his family and doesn't want to leave. Today a kidney doctor was talking to him (with not the best of news) and as he was leaving, he turned and said, "I'm so sorry that you are facing this, but I guess we all have to at some time." My granddaddy answered, "I hope not." My cousin thought he didn't really understand what was said, but I think he did.
I think he did because about an hour later I was sitting beside him holding his hand and when my mother walked in the restroom, he turned to me and said, "The future doesn't look very bright for me." I wasn't sure what to say, so I didn't say anything right away, but he continued. "None of us know our future, but we do know who holds the future. Not any of us know what is going to happen to us and I think that's a good thing. But, if it's my time to go I'm ready. I've lived a good life and I don't reckon I have any regrets."
The tears were running down my face, but he wasn't looking at me anyway. I said, "That is a blessing, to not have any regrets, but it is like you said, we just don't know what will happen."
Shortly after he fell asleep. I watched him sleep, his face drawn but peaceful and I prayed for peace and comfort for him as I watched him sleep. The rest of my visit he seemed to feel pretty good, but every now and then the things he would say sounded like goodbye. He would suddenly stop and give me a piece of advice that sounded urgent. Or he would talk about mistakes he made and lessons he learned. He talked alot about his family and how much he loved all of us. As I was leaving, he said, "Tell Matthew I'm thankful for him and I appreciate him and tell those kids...." He kind of paused and my mom said "to be good?".
He then smiled a little crooked smile and said, "No, don't tell them to be good. Let them be kids. Let them be loud and active. I can't stand to see a kid all moused down. Kids should be free. I love to see them running around and playing and talking, they're beautiful."
I cried almost the entire way home. I don't like to hear him saying goodbye. I don't want to lose him, but I cherish his words. That is why I write them here. I never want to forget and I want my children to know what he thought of them one day. He loves them so much.
He is right, we don't know the future. Even the doctors don't seem to know what we are looking at as far as time, but I'm thankful that he seems more at peace with his unknown future. That is my prayer for him.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Bedtime Stories
Tonight as I was putting Chloe to bed I said, "You make mommy happy." Her eyes got really big and she smile around her paci and said in amazement, "I make you happy, mommy?" I told her, "Yes, you make mommy so happy. You are such a sweet girl." She then said, "I give you a hug, mommy. I make you really happy. Hugs make you really happy."
Then, as I was helping Evan get ready for bed he told me this story:
When I grow up I'm going to live here, if this is still where you live, but I'm not going to be here very much because I will be off hunting for jewels. So, you will have to keep my kids for me everyday because I'll be off hunting for treasure and fighting bad guys.
I told him that would be fine. He continued:
So, you'll have to let them bring lots of toys, books, movies and things with them because I might be gone for a long time. They might even have to spend the night or even a couple of nights.
I said, that would be fine, but where would his wife be? Wouldn't his children have a mother?
He said, yes, she would come with him. Or maybe she could go with the kids to my house. He would let her decide because he wasn't going to boss her around. And sometimes, he said, he would come home and visit in between adventures, or if he was just bored and he would visit with us for a few hours.
He said that when he was off on adventures he would find treasures for his kids and he would take pictures of them and send them to me so I could show them to them. And he would probably find some toys to bring them as well.
Then he smiled and said, "You will make a good grandparent, mom." I smiled too, and said, "I sure hope so."
He thought for a minute and then said, "Actually, my adventure will be wherever you are so you and I and my kids will all be together, always."
I can't imagine anything better! I would love to support him on all of his adventures, whatever they may be!
Then, as I was helping Evan get ready for bed he told me this story:
When I grow up I'm going to live here, if this is still where you live, but I'm not going to be here very much because I will be off hunting for jewels. So, you will have to keep my kids for me everyday because I'll be off hunting for treasure and fighting bad guys.
I told him that would be fine. He continued:
So, you'll have to let them bring lots of toys, books, movies and things with them because I might be gone for a long time. They might even have to spend the night or even a couple of nights.
I said, that would be fine, but where would his wife be? Wouldn't his children have a mother?
He said, yes, she would come with him. Or maybe she could go with the kids to my house. He would let her decide because he wasn't going to boss her around. And sometimes, he said, he would come home and visit in between adventures, or if he was just bored and he would visit with us for a few hours.
He said that when he was off on adventures he would find treasures for his kids and he would take pictures of them and send them to me so I could show them to them. And he would probably find some toys to bring them as well.
Then he smiled and said, "You will make a good grandparent, mom." I smiled too, and said, "I sure hope so."
He thought for a minute and then said, "Actually, my adventure will be wherever you are so you and I and my kids will all be together, always."
I can't imagine anything better! I would love to support him on all of his adventures, whatever they may be!
Who's Stubborn?
Evan: (After watching me almost get smashed between the automatically opening door and the garbage can in the garage when I attempted to move past it while carrying Chloe, the diaper bag, my laptop, and my coffee) Chuckles, softly as he climbs into his seat and says, "That door is stubborn. Do you know what stubborn means?"
Me: (I've somehow safely made it to the other side of the car and am strapping Chloe in.) "Yes. It means that you want to do things your own way and not the way someone else wants you to do it..... Do you know anyone who is stubborn?"
Evan: (smiles slyly) "Unfortunately, I am stubborn."
Chloe: "U-for-shunaly, I 'tubborn, too!"
Yes, unfortunately :).
It's that time of year again, folks! Time for the rushed, stressed out mornings followed by the rushed, stressed out evenings followed by rushed, unhealthy dinners followed by rushed baths and bedtimes followed by too early mornings which then lead to rushed, stressed out.... you get the picture!
Kindergarten update: We took Evan for his kindergarten screening and conference with this teacher. He did fine on the screening... got his elbows and shoulders mixed up, got confused on a few letters, and left the neck and ears off his drawing of a person, LOL, but other than that did great! Matthew is so competitive. He was wanting me to find out what was on the test so we could prepare him for it. When Evan's teacher said he got 84 out of 100 I could tell he was a little disappointed that it wasn't an "A". He's going to need to back off, LOL!
Me? I was just glad his drawing of a person had a head (meaning it had not been decapitated in an act of war) and that there was no blood spurting out of any body part in the drawing, LOL. This morning I asked him what his phone number was because we had not practiced that stuff in several months and I knew they would ask him and he pointed a fake gun and said, "pow" in between each number. Then when he was done, he said, "Don't worry I won't say that at school today. I'll just say it normally." Well, that's a relief!
And of course I almost cried when Evan happily walked in his classroom and excitedly told his teacher "hi" and then ran over and awkwardly hugged her when she got up from her desk. So sweet. My little boy loves another woman, sob.
This afternoon Evan told me,"I love kindergarten! (Keep in mind he has not been to a regular day of school yet). I thought it would be boring like preschool, but it is sooooo fun!"
But, this morning when I woke him up, he said, "I don't want to go to school! I hate school!" (Even though he wasn't going until this afternoon). I think that is directly related to getting up early and thinking he was going to have to take off his pajamas.
Last night he was "reading" (reciting memorized books) to Chloe and one of the books was called Kiss, Kiss. He made the connection to the sounds the letters made in the word kiss, so I wrote it on a piece of paper to see if he would still realize it was the same word in a different setting. He did and was so excited to "read". So, I pulled out some of my lowest level readers from when I taught elementary school and he read about 4 of them on his own recognizing the sight words, sounding some words out, and using picture clues! He was ecstatic! And of course so was I. Honestly, I was bursting with pride.
Me: (I've somehow safely made it to the other side of the car and am strapping Chloe in.) "Yes. It means that you want to do things your own way and not the way someone else wants you to do it..... Do you know anyone who is stubborn?"
Evan: (smiles slyly) "Unfortunately, I am stubborn."
Chloe: "U-for-shunaly, I 'tubborn, too!"
Yes, unfortunately :).
It's that time of year again, folks! Time for the rushed, stressed out mornings followed by the rushed, stressed out evenings followed by rushed, unhealthy dinners followed by rushed baths and bedtimes followed by too early mornings which then lead to rushed, stressed out.... you get the picture!
Kindergarten update: We took Evan for his kindergarten screening and conference with this teacher. He did fine on the screening... got his elbows and shoulders mixed up, got confused on a few letters, and left the neck and ears off his drawing of a person, LOL, but other than that did great! Matthew is so competitive. He was wanting me to find out what was on the test so we could prepare him for it. When Evan's teacher said he got 84 out of 100 I could tell he was a little disappointed that it wasn't an "A". He's going to need to back off, LOL!
Me? I was just glad his drawing of a person had a head (meaning it had not been decapitated in an act of war) and that there was no blood spurting out of any body part in the drawing, LOL. This morning I asked him what his phone number was because we had not practiced that stuff in several months and I knew they would ask him and he pointed a fake gun and said, "pow" in between each number. Then when he was done, he said, "Don't worry I won't say that at school today. I'll just say it normally." Well, that's a relief!
And of course I almost cried when Evan happily walked in his classroom and excitedly told his teacher "hi" and then ran over and awkwardly hugged her when she got up from her desk. So sweet. My little boy loves another woman, sob.
This afternoon Evan told me,"I love kindergarten! (Keep in mind he has not been to a regular day of school yet). I thought it would be boring like preschool, but it is sooooo fun!"
But, this morning when I woke him up, he said, "I don't want to go to school! I hate school!" (Even though he wasn't going until this afternoon). I think that is directly related to getting up early and thinking he was going to have to take off his pajamas.
Last night he was "reading" (reciting memorized books) to Chloe and one of the books was called Kiss, Kiss. He made the connection to the sounds the letters made in the word kiss, so I wrote it on a piece of paper to see if he would still realize it was the same word in a different setting. He did and was so excited to "read". So, I pulled out some of my lowest level readers from when I taught elementary school and he read about 4 of them on his own recognizing the sight words, sounding some words out, and using picture clues! He was ecstatic! And of course so was I. Honestly, I was bursting with pride.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
School Days!
Evan was so excited to meet his teacher, Ms. Fedor! He was very anxious as we came in the room and was kind of hiding behind me and then his friend Emery ran right up to him and gave him a big hug. It was so cute! He was all smiles after that. They explored the room while I filled out a million sheets of paper (again). And I even put the correct name (his and not mine) on them this time. I didn't bring his social security number or any of the doctor's numbers or dentist's numbers or anything with me since I'd already filled all those papers out at Round Up and wasn't expecting to do it again. Hopefully between the two sets of paperwork they can find what they need and if not they can just walk across the street :)!
Oh, and I didn't cry at all:). I'm going to make it.
Evan goes for some testing next week and then just three days the next week before he starts full time.
And in other school news... I am stressing out trying to get everything ready in my classroom like I do every single year. I always think I'll be ahead of the game and I never am. I hate the beginning of school. I feel like I'm two steps behind for at least two weeks. Oh well, it will get done. It always does.
School days are here again!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Kindergarten Here We Come!
Evan will go to registration for kindergarten tomorrow. He will meet his teacher and see his classroom. He is super excited!! We found out that at least three of his friends from preschool are in his class. He can't wait to eat in the cafeteria (bet that changes, soon).
Last night we read a book about kindergarten and when we finished, Evan said, "So will I just be going to kindergarten for a few minutes on Wednesday?" I said yes. "Just to see if I like it?" I said, "Well, kind of." He said, "Will you be staying with me?" I said, "Yeah, we'll stay with you just for that day."
He sounded very relieved as he said, "Good."
And something inside kind of began to ache. And it hasn't stopped yet. In fact, it aches a little more the closer it gets.
I'll let you know if I keep it together tomorrow:). I have no doubt that Evan will be fine and will in fact, love kindergarten... if only I could get rid of this rock in my stomach.
Last night we read a book about kindergarten and when we finished, Evan said, "So will I just be going to kindergarten for a few minutes on Wednesday?" I said yes. "Just to see if I like it?" I said, "Well, kind of." He said, "Will you be staying with me?" I said, "Yeah, we'll stay with you just for that day."
He sounded very relieved as he said, "Good."
And something inside kind of began to ache. And it hasn't stopped yet. In fact, it aches a little more the closer it gets.
I'll let you know if I keep it together tomorrow:). I have no doubt that Evan will be fine and will in fact, love kindergarten... if only I could get rid of this rock in my stomach.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Dog Days
"The first week of August hangs at the very top of summer, the top of the live-long year, like the highest seat of a Ferris wheel when it pauses in its turning...These are strange and breathless days, the dog days, when people are led to do things they are sure to be sorry for after."--Natalie Babbitt, Tuck Everlasting, prologue
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