Celebration

I miss my grandmother today. She would have been 92. I've been thinking about her all week. I really wish she were here so I could tell her Happy Birthday and see her smile. I wish I could sit beside her and have her show me all of her birthday cards and tell me about each person. I wish I could kiss her cheek and smell Merle Norman powder and Aqua Net hairspray. I wish she could meet my daughter. I miss her very much.

But, I also know that all of those wishes are selfish. I know that she doesn't wish any of that. She is more happy than any of us here on Earth could ever imagine. And so I'm happy for her, too. I know that we will all be reunited with her one day. And I know that she is enjoying all her loved ones that she is now reunited with.

When I opened my Bible in church yesterday I found two bookmarks. One was a bookmark with my grandmother's obituary on it. The other one was a very worn out, faded, and wrinkled bookmark with the 23rd Psalm on it. My grandmother gave it to me when I was very young. She gave it to me because I wanted a bookmark for my Bible like hers. Her bookmark that was always in her navy blue Bible had the obituary of one of her loved ones. I can't even remember who it was for, now. I've been trying to remember all day long. I feel terrible that I can't. I think it was for her mother. I read and studied that bookmark so many times as a child in church. For the life of me, I can't remember now.

That is what has struck me today. I never knew any of my grandmother's immediate family. Her mother, father, and all of her brothers and sisters had passed away before I was born or at least before I was old enough to know them. I only knew them through her stories. And her stories were never sad. Many were lively and full of fun memories. Not all of her stories were happy. I do remember her telling me that when her brother passed away when she was a child his wake was held in her house and she was afraid with his body in the house. And I remember her telling me how she had to live in an orphanage for several months after her father passed away because her mother couldn't afford to take care of all them. But, even then, she didn't seem sad. She never cried when she told me the stories. Mostly she would tell them with a smile and twinkle in her eye.

Like the story of her sister Ovaline giving birth to twins at home with the sisters and their mother there to help. Magdeline wasn't married and she was pacing back forth cursing men because of Ovaline's pain. I loved that story. It always made me imagine a seen from Little Women.

And that is how I knew her family... through her stories, through her pictures. Through her smiles. I don't ever remember her crying about them. And as a child, I guess I never thought about how hard it must have been to lose all of them. To be the only surviving member of her family left. But, as most children are, I was self-centered when I thought about my grandmother. She was happy being my grandmother and my mother' s mother and my granddaddy's wife. I never imagined her being sad for her family that had gone on.

But yesterday, as I looked at those bookmarks and tried again to remember whose obituary was on her bookmark in her Bible another memory struck me. The tissue she almost always had balled up in her hand in church. And then I remembered. Watery eyes. Her voice cracking. Sometimes a lone tear escaping down her cheek before she caught it with her tissue. She often cried in church. Usually during hymns. I remember now. I always thought it was because she was so touched by the song, overwhelmed by God's love. It never really occurred to me she was sad. But now, now that I've lost someone, too, I know. I know how sometimes you are overwhelmed by a song and filled with sadness for those you have lost. I know how sometimes you are overwhelmed by God's peace that has helped you through it. I too, sometimes cry in church. And now I know.

And so, although I miss my grandmother terribly here on Earth today and wish I could tell her Happy Birthday, I am also so thankful that I know she is in Heaven celebrating with her family and friends.

But, I bet they aren't celebrating her birthday today. Because today was her earthly birthday. That day means nothing in Heaven. Because for her all of the pain and sorrow of this earth has passed away. Everyday is a celebration for her. And I'm so glad. She loved a celebration!