And Now You Are 5

Dear Evan,

Today you are five. You have been anxiously awaiting this day. Many times over the past year you would ask, "Will I do that when I'm five?". Now you are five and you will do many things this year. You will start school and grow and learn. I can't wait to see all that you will become this year, but now it is a time for me to look back and remember all that you have been to me.

Once you were only a prayer in my heart. A desire to love someone. A hope for the future.

Once you were a tiny flicker. Undetectable on the outside, but fully loved on the inside. The tiniest of little beating hearts.

Once you were a flutter in my tummy. The most amazing feeling of life growing. The most amazing reminder of a miracle taking place.

Once you were a teensy 8 pound 3 ounce bundle in my arms. An unbelievable precious gift. Totally dependent upon me.

Once you were a rolly baby boy. Laughing and giggling. Cuddling mommy close. Experiencing everything for the first time.

Once you were a  blonde headed, curious toddler. Full of smiles. Full of hugs. Full of mischief. Full of joy.

Once you were a strong-willed preschooler. Making a place for yourself. Asking questions. Learning to do on your own. Learning to love and care.

And now you are 5 and when I look at you I am amazed.  I am amazed by you. By your intelligence. By your humor. By your bravery. By your determination. By your ability. By your humor. By your sensitivity. By your kindness. By your compassion. By your ferocity. But, mostly by your love.

Being your mother has been the most amazing thing that has ever happened in my life. From the time I hoped for you until tonight when I  tucked you into bed I have loved every single second of it and every single second brings me joy. I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I always expected to enjoy motherhood. I always assumed I would love my children. I could have never in my wildest dreams been able to guess how absolutely wonderful it would be or how much I would ever love you. I could have never been able to guess how perfectly wonderful you would be.

I became the luckiest mommy in the world five years ago today and I realize it more and more every single day. I love you more than anything.

Happy birthday, buddy!