A Different Kind of Milestone

All parents celebrate their child's milestones... first smile, first steps, first words. One of the most special milestones for any parent is the first time a child says they love you. It is wonderful.

But, today I thought about a different kind of milestone. This morning on the way to school Evan said something "else" to me (although this actually wasn't the first time).

We were running late. As usual. Evan was playing his Nintendo DS in the car. We were about 2 minutes from his school. He thought he dropped a game down beside his seat. He wanted me to pull over. I explained that I would get it for him when we got to school. He didn't like that answer. He yelled at me to get it and then began to cry. I told him that he needed to straighten up and change his tone of voice or his DS would go in "time out" for the rest of tonight. He kicked the back of the seat and ordered me to pull over and get it. I thought to myself that he has now lost his game, but I didn't say so at this time because I knew it would cause an even worse breakdown and we were almost at his school now. I didn't say anything.

He said, "You are the worstest!"

I said, "I'm sorry you feel that way."

He said, "I am so mad at you."

I said, "That's ok."

He said, "Why do you think that's ok?"

I said, "Well, I can understand you being mad and there's nothing I can do about it."

He said, "I don't love you anymore."

I told him, "That's too bad."

And we arrived at school. I got him out and discovered that his game was actually in his seat and he could have gotten it the entire time. He crossed his arms and said, "I'm still mad at you." I handed him his backpack. He said, "I'm not carrying it." I started walking at a quick pace into the school. He ran after me. When we got inside the building, he leaned up beside the wall and said, "I'm not going to school today." I told him that he had to because I had to get to work. I took his hand and led him down the hall. He said, "I still don't love you anymore and I'm not making you anything at school today." I said nothing. And then when we arrived in his classroom he grabbed onto me and would not let go. I had to peel him off of me, crying to leave. I think he felt guilty about what he had said to me and that is why he didn't want me to leave. I don't think that's such a bad thing.

So, there you have it. There's the first time your child tells you he loves you and then there's the first time he tells you he doesn't love you anymore. A different kind of milestone. It hurts, but I know better than to take it personally. I know he does love me and he's just angry. But, still, it hurts a little bit. I still have a yucky feeling inside and I suspect he will too for a little while (at least until they have their snowcones and cotton candy at school today:).

I wonder what he will say when I tell him this afternoon that his DS is now in "time out". It might be a whole new milestone.